Parenting Perspectives
Recently, I found myself lecturing my 12-year-old son, Ethan, after he got into trouble during his gardening class. He and a friend decided to venture away from the garden and began striking random trees with a rake, attempting to break it. To make matters worse, his mother—my wife—was teaching that very class. While this escapade might not rank high on the list of junior high mischief, it was certainly embarrassing for both Ethan and his mother when the principal had to intervene.
After I finished discussing his behavior, I reminded him, “What you did was not acceptable, but I want you to know that I love you.” This isn’t an isolated incident; it’s a common conclusion to our conversations about discipline. My family is built on the foundation of love, and that phrase is a constant in our home. Each morning, as I head to work, I embrace my children and say, “I love you.” The same goes for my return home and every bedtime ritual. For the past 12 years, I have made it a point to express my love daily, and I can’t recall a single day when I didn’t.
Reflecting on my own upbringing, I realize that I didn’t hear those words often from my parents. My childhood was tumultuous; my father faced challenges with addiction, and my mother raised us alone. However, when I moved in with my grandmother at 14, everything changed. She would express her love multiple times a day, even after scolding me. No matter my actions—good, bad, or otherwise—I always knew her love was unwavering.
In my teenage years, I occasionally felt embarrassed when she said “I love you” in front of my friends. Yet now, I understand how crucial that reassurance was. Compared to the uncertainty I felt with my parents, my grandmother’s love provided a refreshing certainty that I strive to pass on to my own children.
Consequently, I make it a point to communicate my love, regardless of the circumstances. Whether I’m upset or thrilled with them, I ensure they know they are loved. Before hanging up the phone, dropping them off at school, or watching them engage in sports, I express my affection. My children should know that my love is unconditional; it serves as their safety net, their parachute for life’s challenges.
This doesn’t mean I don’t hold them accountable. I still express disappointment when they don’t meet their responsibilities, and I have high expectations of them as individuals. However, my love is constant. It’s a blend of tough love when necessary and supportive affection during their struggles.
Returning to the incident with Ethan, after I expressed my love post-scolding, he didn’t roll his eyes or argue. Instead, he looked up and said, “I love you too, Dad.” In that moment, it felt as though he understood that my intentions were rooted in love. We’ve developed a bond over time that reassures him of my unwavering support.
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In summary, demonstrating love to our children daily is vital for building a solid foundation in their lives. By expressing affection consistently, we provide them with the reassurance they need to navigate life’s ups and downs.
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