I identify as bisexual, yet many people may not recognize this aspect of my identity. Sometimes, I feel unworthy of claiming this label due to my conventional lifestyle. I’ve never faced harassment or fought for my rights; getting married was a straightforward process. Public displays of affection with my spouse have never drawn ire, and I never needed to come out to my family. I often feel that I haven’t “earned” my place within the LGBTQIA community, but I am undeniably part of it. The “B” in LGBTQIA represents me, even if I remain hidden in plain sight.
I am what some might call a “passing bisexual.” I’ve heard misconceptions about bisexuality being a mere quest for attention or an indication of indecisiveness. Those claims are entirely false. My bisexuality is rooted in my genuine attraction to both men and women, plain and simple. While I sometimes voice this truth, more often than not, I keep it to myself—a privilege I hold because of my current life choices.
I came to recognize my bisexuality in my mid-thirties while exploring girl/girl erotica. Those lingering girl crushes and thoughts I dismissed as fleeting feelings suddenly made sense. I have strong attractions to women, enough to want to explore those connections, should circumstances allow. However, to the outside world, I am not seen as part of the LGBTQIA community.
I am a cisgender woman married to a cisgender man, and together we have three children. My life includes driving a minivan, owning a couple of dogs (one might be part raccoon), and enjoying family hikes in our suburban neighborhood. My family dynamic is quintessentially sporty, with weekend football games and Halloween festivities. In this heteronormative environment, my bisexual identity often goes unnoticed. People rarely consider that a soccer mom might find other moms attractive.
Most individuals become aware of their sexual orientation early on, and many who identify as bisexual or gay engage in same-sex relationships. However, research from Science Alert indicates that sexual identity can evolve throughout life, with women particularly exhibiting more fluidity. Thus, it is entirely possible to discover one’s bisexuality later in life. I connect with a substantial online community of women who have navigated similar realizations, and we often share our feelings of isolation.
This sense of erasure extends to events like Pride Parades. Even while wearing a rainbow shirt that boldly proclaimed, “Becoming Me Was The Greatest Creative Project of My Life,” my family presence likely led others to assume I was merely an ally, not part of the LGBTQIA community myself. I understand that assumption; I might have thought similarly in their shoes.
Coming out to my husband was a significant step for me. His reaction was overwhelming, and I still question whether he fully grasps this new facet of my identity. When you uncover such a crucial part of yourself, the desire to share it with others is potent. You want to celebrate and express it, to fly the flag high.
However, the thought of placing a bisexual flag on my minivan is daunting; my in-laws would undoubtedly react with shock. If my children were to learn of my bisexuality and share it with their grandparents, I can only imagine the fallout. Thus, I often discuss bisexuality through cultural icons like David Bowie, telling my kids they can grow up attracted to girls, boys, both, or neither. I once mentioned casually, “I could marry a girl, but I chose to marry Daddy.” They accepted this without question, and for a fleeting moment, I felt seen.
In conclusion, being in a heterosexual marriage does not erase my bisexual identity. Embracing and acknowledging this part of myself is an ongoing journey, and while society may not always recognize it, it remains an integral part of who I am. For further insights on this topic, you can explore our related blog post here. Additionally, for resources on fertility and home insemination strategies, check out Make a Mom, and for extensive pregnancy-related information, visit Rmany.
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