Let’s face it: lawyers are often the punchline of many jokes. If you happen to be in the legal profession, don’t take it to heart—consider it a compliment. After all, everyone enjoys a good chuckle, especially at the expense of lawyers. So, here are 101 legal-themed jokes that are sure to lighten the mood!
Becoming a lawyer is no easy feat, but it can be quite rewarding. Just look at how Kim Kardashian is diving into the legal world, even if she hasn’t officially become a lawyer yet. (She plans to take the bar exam in 2022.) Fortunately, you don’t need a legal background to appreciate these jokes.
Even if you’re not in need of a lawyer, everyone loves a good laugh about one. Lawyers often deal with serious matters, so if you know one or are friends with a law student, consider sharing a few of these quips to brighten their day.
- What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue!
- An attorney tells his client, “I’ve got good news and bad news.” The client replies, “What’s the bad news?” The attorney says, “Your DNA is all over the crime scene.” The client gasps, “What’s the good news?” The attorney replies, “Your cholesterol is at 130.”
- A lawyer defending a burglary case said, “My client only put his arm through the window and took a few minor items. His arm isn’t him, so why punish the whole person for what his limb did?” The judge responded, “In that case, I sentence the arm to a year in prison. The defendant can accompany it or not, as he chooses.” The defendant grinned and detached his prosthetic limb, leaving it on the bench as he strolled out.
- How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? None—they prefer to keep their clients in the dark.
- At the zoo, a keeper panicked when snakes escaped their cages. He shouted, “Call a lawyer!” Someone asked, “Why?” He replied, “We need someone who understands their language!”
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- A defendant who pled guilty noticed the jury and decided to change his plea back to guilty. When asked why, he said, “I didn’t know women would be on the jury. I can’t fool one woman, let alone eight!”
- A man walked into a bar with an alligator. He asked the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers?” The bartender replied, “Sure do!” The man said, “Great, I’ll have a beer and a lawyer for my gator.”
- Arguing with a lawyer is like wrestling a pig in mud—you’ll soon realize they enjoy it.
- Two lawyers were in a bank when robbers burst in. One lawyer handed the other something and said, “This is the $100 I owe you.”
- A man was sent to hell and saw a lawyer with a beautiful woman. He grumbled, “I’m being punished for eternity while that lawyer is with a gorgeous woman!” A demon replied, “Who are you to question her punishment?”
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- What happened to the banker who went to law school? Now she’s a loan shark.
- A desperate man asked a local Chamber of Commerce representative, “Is there a criminal attorney in town?” The man replied, “Yeah, but we can’t prove it yet!”
- A doctor on vacation met a lawyer and asked what he was doing there. The lawyer quipped, “That lousy real estate I bought burned down, so I’m collecting fire insurance.” The doctor replied, “Remember my property in Mississippi? It flooded, and I’m here with flood insurance.” The lawyer asked, “How did you start the flood?”
- What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer lets cases drag on for years; a good one knows how to stretch it out even longer.
- Two lawyers were negotiating a case. One said, “Let’s be honest with each other.” The other replied, “Okay, you first.” That ended the conversation.
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In summary, lawyer jokes are a delightful way to bring some humor into the serious world of law. Whether you’re a legal professional or just someone who enjoys a good laugh, these jokes have something for everyone. Remember to share a few of these with your lawyer friends—they could use the giggles too!
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