Initially, I dismissed my memory lapses as figments of my imagination. What I perceived as a lack of focus and memory retention led me to believe I was simply less intelligent than I had previously thought. However, as these lapses became more frequent and noticeable, I had to confront the reality of my “cognitive fog.” It wasn’t merely the occasional forgetting of why I entered a room; I was struggling to remember important dates, like my child’s birthday, or realizing I had already recounted a story to a friend multiple times. Words that used to be at the tip of my tongue seemed to vanish, and I would lose track of entire conversations.
In collaborative settings, when colleagues explained procedures, I would focus intently only to forget essential details almost immediately. This made my work—like many others—challenging, as it heavily relied on my ability to recall specifics. I resorted to creating detailed outlines to keep my tasks organized, feeling as though I could hardly remember anything without assistance.
To combat my memory issues, I adopted a practice of noting down everything—every detail I needed to retain was meticulously recorded. I accumulated countless lists covering everything from my children’s school projects to the steps required for invoicing.
When I brought up my cognitive struggles with my therapist, she expressed understanding. “Stress can significantly affect memory,” she explained. “You have elevated cortisol levels, which keep you in a heightened state of alertness.” This stress began over a year ago, following my separation from my ex-husband, which came about after I embraced my identity as a gay woman. Although the separation was mostly amicable, the stress of untangling our lives and managing co-parenting took its toll.
Simultaneously, I grappled with anxieties about my acceptance within my family and extended social circles. Would I face rejection? Would my extended family disapprove? Despite my attempts to remain indifferent to others’ opinions, the effort was exhausting. The combination of navigating a divorce while coming out was draining, and it certainly impacted my memory.
At first, I jokingly mentioned my memory issues as signs of dementia, only to be met with laughter from friends. “You’re being ridiculous, Jane,” they would say. But I genuinely worried—two of my grandparents had suffered from dementia, so my concerns were not unfounded. I longed for the days when my mind was sharp, capable of retaining details effortlessly, and confident in debates.
Traditionally, acute memory issues were thought to be uncommon in individuals under 50. While phenomena like “mommy brain” during pregnancy received some attention, my experiences reflected a lesser-discussed issue. Recent studies have begun to shed light on memory loss among younger adults. One such research published in the journal Neurology found a correlation between elevated cortisol levels—stemming from stress and anxiety—with impaired memory and visual perception, alongside reduced brain volume, particularly in women.
Stress is an inherent part of life, and in crisis situations, cortisol floods our system, activating our fight-or-flight response. However, prolonged stress—such as that experienced during a divorce or ongoing anxiety disorders—keeps the body in a state of high alert, leading to various health issues, including memory and concentration deficits.
Keith Fargo, director of scientific programs at the Alzheimer’s Association, explained that the brain demands substantial nutrients and oxygen to function optimally. When the body allocates resources to combat stress, the brain suffers. This aligns with what my therapist advised.
Recognizing that my memory issues are not solely imaginary has been a relief. Now, as my divorce nears completion, I am focusing on reducing stress. I recently began incorporating CBD supplements to manage anxiety spikes or potential triggers. Additionally, I prioritize sleep, nutritious eating, and physical activity, which collectively contribute to improved daily stress levels. I remain hopeful that these lifestyle changes will restore my cognitive clarity.
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Summary
Memory struggles, often termed “cognitive fog,” can be exacerbated by stress and anxiety. Elevated cortisol levels impact brain function, leading to memory lapses and confusion, especially during significant life changes like divorce. Adopting strategies to manage stress, such as lifestyle changes and supplements, can help improve memory function over time.
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