The notion of spending time alone in public settings is an alien concept for many. For women, heading out solo can evoke feelings of fear and vulnerability. However, the apprehension extends beyond safety concerns; societal conditioning has taught women that relishing their own company is somehow a flaw. Enjoying solitary moments often draws judgment or pity from others. Yet, with time, I’ve come to dismiss these outdated perspectives.
For years, I hesitated to venture out alone, fearing the judgment of others. Perhaps they still do, but I’ve reached a point where their opinions no longer matter. Coordinating outings with friends can be a daunting task, resulting in missed opportunities to enjoy a movie or a meal. Spending time alone allows me the freedom to set my own agenda. My schedule is often tight, and I refuse to forgo experiences simply because a companion is unavailable.
Initially, going to the movies alone felt strange. I appreciated having someone to discuss the film with afterward. Yet, each solo outing made me question why I hadn’t embraced this more often. Alone, I can watch a film during the day, select my preferred seat, and relax without feeling guilty about getting comfortable. While sharing the experience with another person can be enjoyable, the absence of company does not diminish my enjoyment in the slightest.
Research indicates that the discomfort we feel when alone often stems from a lack of external stimuli. Thuy-vy Nguyen, a psychology professor at Durham University, notes that we tend to depend on others to shape our experiences. Similarly, I used to dread attending concerts solo. Having been a concert-goer since age 12, I always brought a friend along. The thought of being alone in a crowd seemed daunting. That changed with my first solo concert experience, which proved to be incredible. I connected with those around me, and even without familiar faces, the performance was still the highlight. Now, I’m even planning to attend multiple concerts alone—a concept that seemed unimaginable just a couple of years ago.
Before this year, I rarely engaged in activities solo, including exercising. I used to attend yoga classes with a friend, but once our schedules diverged, I stopped practicing. Now, I regularly attend classes alone and often forget I’m by myself. It has become a personal ritual that allows me to connect with myself.
Interestingly, there are certain activities I engage in alone without hesitation, like working in a coffee shop. I can easily take my laptop and spend hours by myself. However, the thought of dining alone is still something I have to mentally prepare for. Walking into a restaurant and asking for “a table for one” feels more intentional, almost vulnerable. This is a challenge I am determined to overcome.
The societal stigma surrounding solitude often leads us to neglect our need for alone time. Contrary to popular belief, choosing to spend time alone does not label you as a “loner”; it signifies self-acceptance. Angela Grice, a speech-language pathologist at Howard University, emphasizes that understanding and embracing solitude can foster personal growth and self-discovery.
Being comfortable in my own company has also improved my relationships. When I’m with friends, my happiness is genuine; I’m not merely seeking companionship to avoid loneliness. This authenticity strengthens my connections.
Learning to appreciate solitude is a process that takes time and practice. While I cherish my solo experiences, I constantly remind myself that it’s perfectly normal to engage in activities alone. Begin with small steps—perhaps treat yourself to a coffee date with a book, gradually extending your time. And if you can, try watching a movie solo. You may discover that your own company is more enjoyable than you had anticipated.
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Summary
Embracing solitude has become a significant personal achievement. Through activities such as going to the movies or concerts alone, I have learned to appreciate my own company, challenging societal norms that dictate otherwise. This journey has not only enhanced my self-awareness but has also positively impacted my friendships.
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