My tipping point occurred during an unexpected trip to the grocery store. I had already stocked up on food for the week, but my teenagers were dissatisfied with what I’d provided. Rather than telling them to make do, I found myself reluctantly heading back to the store, even though I had a million other things to do.
As I stood in the self-checkout line, I felt a wave of resentment wash over me. I couldn’t help but mentally prepare for a confrontation with them later; it was clear they had been taking me for granted, and I was fed up.
The following morning, I woke up to discover that my oldest had left several lights on throughout the night. He had stayed up late, ignoring my reminders to turn them off. As soon as I got out of bed, he immediately started grilling me about why he had to cover the car insurance and registration fees for the vehicle he had purchased. “Why can’t you just pay for it? I worked hard all summer for this car. Why won’t you help me out?”
In a fit of frustration, I snapped at him, “Could you be any more selfish?” and yanked the snack out of his hand to emphasize my point. He seemed completely oblivious to my anger.
I know that teenagers often exhibit selfish behavior; I’ve done my research. The fact that I sometimes feel like I’m living with three oblivious young adults has led me to look up information on this very topic more than once. Why are they so egocentric? According to findings published in New Scientist, teenagers utilize a different part of their brains for decision-making compared to adults, which contributes to their self-centeredness.
While I grasp the science behind it, I also know when I’ve had enough. I want my kids to understand the value of hard work and money. I want them to leave my home with a sense of compassion and the ability to treat others well. They need to realize that I’m not just their maid or an ATM.
Had my son approached me with a respectful request, something like, “Mom, I’m a bit short on cash but really want to get my car on the road. Could you lend me a little money, and I’ll pay you back?” I would have been more than willing to help—especially if he had taken out the trash or done the dishes without me having to nag him.
His sense of entitlement and frustration when I refused his demands pushed me to my limit. I recognized that I needed to take some responsibility for this situation and let my kids feel the consequences of their actions.
It’s easy to get caught up in doing everything for our children as a way to express our love, wanting them to have more than we did growing up. Yet, as their parent, it’s crucial to instill in them the importance of respect and gratitude. There comes a point when certain privileges must be revoked because being treated like a doormat is unacceptable.
I’ve decided to make some changes in my parenting approach. From now on, I’ll only go grocery shopping once a week, regardless of whether my kids are happy with what’s in the pantry. They will have to earn their privileges, such as paying for their own gas and insurance for the car they own. I’m also setting clear boundaries to address when I feel taken for granted and invisible.
This doesn’t mean my children will suddenly transform into perfect beings, but I hope that establishing limits will reduce the feeling of being used. I’m looking forward to enjoying my chocolate in peace without constantly being at their beck and call.
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In summary, it’s never too late to change how you parent. I’ve started to reclaim my authority and ensure my children understand the importance of respect and responsibility.
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