Updated: Dec. 13, 2023
Originally Published: Nov. 25, 2023
Before my mother passed away, while she was battling a serious illness, I dropped my son off at daycare. Upon arrival, I noticed a young boy, no older than three, who had just been left by his mother. He was crying uncontrollably.
“I want my mom! I want her back!” he wailed.
His grief was palpable, striking a chord deep within me. His tears were not those of a child merely protesting a drop-off; they were genuine, raw, and heart-wrenching. In that moment, I recognized my own anguish mirrored in his cries.
At that time, I was already facing the reality of my mother’s terminal cancer diagnosis. The thought of losing her loomed large, and I felt small and overwhelmed, much like that little boy. I understood his panic; I was in the same boat, grappling with the impending loss of someone irreplaceable.
Three years have passed since my mother’s death. I have faced countless milestones without her presence, navigating a world that felt unlivable at times. I’ve welcomed two additional children into my life, who will never experience the joy of holiday gatherings with their grandmother.
They won’t know the comforting scents that filled our home from her legendary turkey or her unique holiday crescent rolls filled with sausage. They’ve never tasted her iconic holiday punch, bursting with rainbow sherbet, nor opened stockings bursting with treasures crafted by her loving hands. They’ve missed out on witnessing her effortless ability to host large gatherings, creating an atmosphere of warmth and joy that felt like home.
As the holidays approach each year, my mother’s absence becomes increasingly palpable. If you’ve lost a parent, you may feel this too. Sometimes, the absence manifests as a dull ache; festive activities, like decorating the Christmas tree, lose their vibrancy. Other times, the pain is so intense that I find myself avoiding it altogether, much like one might avert their eyes from the sun to avoid injury.
I push through the best I can, acknowledging the void left by those we love. For the past three years, continuing family traditions has been a struggle. When a custom is so closely tied to someone who is no longer here, it can feel dissonant and wrong. For me, the holidays were synonymous with my mother, who infused magic into every celebration.
She adored Christmas, displaying a collection of Santas year-round. I have a small Santa that hangs by our front door as a reminder of her, bringing me comfort amid the grief.
I am a mother now, with children who need to experience the joy of the holiday season and create their own cherished memories. This year, we are changing our Thanksgiving plans. My dad, sister, and I will gather with our families at my aunt’s house, surrounded by loving relatives. Afterward, we’ll embark on a trip to North Conway with cousins from the other side of the family, a new experience that feels right this year. It’s not a tradition yet, but perhaps it’s the beginning of one.
My aunt recently became a foster mother, and her young foster son will be celebrating his first holiday with us. Although I don’t know his history, I suspect he, like me, may feel the deep pang of missing his own mother this season.
For those of you feeling this profound loss during the holidays, know that it’s perfectly okay to feel subdued. It’s normal to experience longing and pain, to know that sometimes looking directly at your grief can be overwhelming. You’ll find the strength to face it when you’re ready.
When you are prepared, you can explore new traditions and decide how to honor the memories of those you’ve lost. If you feel like that little boy, yearning for his mom, just know that I understand you.
Many of us share this experience of loss.
For more insights on navigating complex emotions during this time, check out this blog post, which delves into similar themes. Additionally, if you’re exploring options for family expansion, consider resources such as this fertility resource. For information on pregnancy and home insemination, Healthline is an excellent resource.
In summary, the holidays can be particularly challenging for those who have lost a parent. Embracing new traditions while honoring the legacy of loved ones is a delicate balance. It’s crucial to allow yourself the grace to feel and heal in your own time.
Leave a Reply