In the realm of parenting, it’s not uncommon for young children to experiment with language, often leading to amusing and sometimes awkward scenarios. Recently, my 4-year-old daughter, Clara, approached me in tears during preschool pickup, having encountered a situation that required immediate resolution. With a quivering voice, she recounted, “Mommy, I told my friend that my brother has a stinky bottom and needs to use the toilet. Mrs. Smith said I can’t say bathroom words at school!”
As she looked up at me with her big, curious eyes, I couldn’t help but chuckle at her innocence. “Mommy, what’s a bathroom word?” she asked, genuinely puzzled.
While I wanted to burst into laughter, I understood that it was essential to handle the situation with care. I embraced Clara, reassuring her that it’s perfectly okay to make mistakes, and suggested we talk more about it in the car. I then turned to Mrs. Smith, offering a friendly smile as I explained that we hadn’t had a detailed discussion about “bathroom words” yet. This was for a good reason: my partner and I only restrict language in our home if it’s intended to hurt someone.
Yes, I said it. In our house, we allow our 4-year-old to use “potty words” freely, and I couldn’t care less about external opinions on the matter. At home, even cursing is acceptable if it’s not directed at anyone negatively. Words like “poop” simply add a touch of humor, and we believe in encouraging our children to understand boundaries and respect personal space rather than imposing strict rules.
We’ve made it clear that not every conversation requires the use of such language and that some people may find discussions about bodily functions off-putting—especially during meals. This distinction is why Clara feels comfortable expressing herself in our home but hasn’t let loose at school… yet.
The incident with Mrs. Smith highlighted that we are just beginning to navigate why certain discussions can be sensitive for others. When Clara confided her school-related mishap, I assured her teacher that we would help Clara understand why certain words are inappropriate in the classroom. However, I refrained from apologizing for her comments because, to me, Clara only expressed herself in a silly, innocent way. I see no reason to shame her curiosity about language in new environments.
Let me clarify: I am not encouraging my daughter to be disrespectful or use offensive language at will. We have established a household that fosters equality, kindness, and acceptance, with zero tolerance for hate. I will never pressure Clara to feel guilty for exploring language, whether it’s potty-related or otherwise. She understands, to the best of her preschool understanding, that context matters.
In our home, we strive to create a safe, judgment-free environment where children can experiment and embrace mistakes. We engage in open discussions, provide natural consequences for crossing boundaries, and always offer unconditional love. This approach has fostered a sense of security in our children, allowing them to ask for help, embrace their messiness, and love wholeheartedly. It has undoubtedly contributed to Clara’s confidence in her preschool environment.
During our recent parent-teacher conference, Clara’s educators praised her for her inclusivity, generosity, and emotional expressiveness. While this feedback is heartening, I’m more focused on ensuring she feels comfortable taking risks and sharing her thoughts with me.
Ultimately, I do not aim to raise a child who simply conforms to societal norms. I recognize that this philosophy runs counter to traditional parenting, and I’m perfectly fine with that. My experiences with my own upbringing have taught me that conditioning a child to behave can lead to long-term shame and internal struggles.
I refuse to engage in the shame game that often promotes fear-driven politeness among children. Above all, I am committed to nurturing a child who loves herself, feels safe expressing her individuality, and approaches life with curiosity and joy. Whether it’s singing silly songs about bodily functions or sharing innocent yet cheeky remarks, I wholeheartedly support Clara’s freedom to explore language in our home.
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In summary, fostering an open environment for language experimentation, including potty talk, can help children develop confidence and emotional intelligence. By maintaining a balance between freedom and boundaries, we can raise kids who are not only expressive but also understand the importance of context in communication.
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