When my first two children were small, I balanced two part-time jobs while coordinating my schedule around my then-husband, who often worked long hours—sometimes up to 60 a week. I faced criticism from others who believed I should stay home with my kids, suggesting that a woman’s place was in the household.
With the arrival of my next two children, I underwent two surgeries and was diagnosed with a chronic illness accompanied by anxiety, which prevented me from working. Suddenly, I was inundated with messages that other women managed to juggle full-time jobs and family life, even while battling health issues. Why couldn’t I?
It became clear to me that no matter my choices, they were never the right ones. I internalized this belief, constantly telling myself, “Nothing I do is ever ENOUGH.” With my focus solely on my children, I convinced myself that my purpose on this earth was to dedicate myself entirely to them.
While I cherish being a mother, the reality is that it can be incredibly challenging. The snuggles and bedtime stories quickly shifted to karate classes, football practices, and dance rehearsals. As they grew more independent, I felt my own need to be needed diminish, leaving me unfulfilled.
The energy I was pouring into my family returned to me in the form of negativity. I found myself feeling unappreciated and, to be candid, resentful. It seemed like all the other moms were effortlessly managing their lives, appearing organized and Pinterest-perfect while I was just yelling, “I love you! Have a great day!” as they left for school. Then, I’d return to a kitchen filled with dirty dishes, the remnants of breakfast clinging to plates, and I would seethe with frustration.
“Am I just the maid?” I would mutter, and I know I’m not the only one who has thought that. I would grumble that my children should handle their own messes. Yet, within an hour, I was right back at the sink, angrily scrubbing dishes as if the clatter of silverware could somehow vent my frustrations.
When my then-husband came home, he’d greet me with stories from his day, while I stood there, sticky from the remains of breakfast, feeling far from glamorous. I would respond with a curt, “Yep, everything’s great,” but inside, I was longing for solitude. I wanted to scream about my frustrations but swallowed them down, feeling ashamed.
Fast forward a decade of neglecting self-care, and I finally began making small changes for myself, such as journaling my feelings. I started letting go of those overwhelming “should haves.”
Then one day, my 17-year-old son said something that shifted my perspective entirely: “Mom, I’m so proud of you for doing something for yourself.” His words brought a flood of tears, not just of sadness, but of joy—an indescribable joy that left me momentarily speechless.
The truth behind the saying, “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy,” resonates deeply. We must not delay our self-care practices, regardless of whether our children are infants or adults. Begin today! Find something that ignites your spirit and brings you joy. Children learn from our actions far more than our words. Our lives are the lessons we impart, not mere lectures.
We can’t encourage them to pursue their passions if we aren’t willing to chase our own. We can’t tell them to embrace their true selves while we hide behind a mask. We can’t inspire them to step into the light if we don’t acknowledge our own shadows. We need to be authentic and human.
If you want to make your child proud, start by prioritizing yourself. Self-care is not a backup plan; it’s a continuous wave of renewal that fills our lives with peace, joy, laughter, and even tears. It inspires our children to take the plunge into life’s messiness because we have dared to dive in ourselves.
Life is chaotic, and we need to embrace that chaos. Just like autumn leaves, you can never gather them all. Instead, jump into those piles, make a mess, and relish spontaneous moments. Our children are observing us, waiting for us to take that leap so they can feel secure enough to leap alongside us.
For further insights on self-care and motherhood, visit Home Insemination Kit. For more information about pregnancy, check out March of Dimes, a valuable resource. Additionally, if you’re looking into home insemination, consider Cryobaby’s at-home insemination kit.
In summary, embracing self-care is essential not just for our well-being but also as a vital lesson for our children. Start prioritizing your happiness today, and watch how it transforms not only your life but theirs as well.
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