My Grumpy Holiday Wishlist — Because I Want Stuff

home insemination kit

Here’s my wishlist, folks. A bit blunt? Sure, but it serves its purpose. This post is going to be a bit saucy—so consider yourself warned. And yes, it might ruffle a few feathers. #sorrynotsorry

Here’s what I’m hoping for this year! Just five simple things. In a world overflowing with material possessions, I’ve narrowed it down to five modest requests. And guess what? None of them are material items!

1. A Spotless Home
   This was on my list last year too, and it’s still relevant. Honestly, I just want a glittering, immaculate home that I didn’t have to lift a finger to clean. I don’t care if it’s done by grumpy elves with questionable hygiene, just make it happen. Listen up, family: just clean the damn house, and you’re done shopping for mom. Simple as that! When you’re not the one responsible for tidiness, it suddenly becomes far less important to maintain. Who would’ve thought?
2. A Self-Emptying Trash Can
   No, this isn’t the same as having a clean house. This is a whole different ballgame! I’m talking about a miraculous transformation that happens regularly. This “magic” is usually performed by yours truly, and frankly, I’m over it. I want some of this “magic” to be handled by someone else for a change. The daily grind of chores—dishes piling up, trash overflowing, dogs needing walks, laundry that seems to move on its own—these tasks accumulate. Who knows? Maybe if I’m liberated from these ongoing chores, a bit of my spark might return.
3. An End to Gaslighting
   Relax, I’m not referring to my home environment; everything is fine here. I’m talking about the broader societal issues we face, especially during the holiday season. “It’s not about the gifts!” (But don’t forget to set your alarm for 4 a.m. the day after we express gratitude to go shopping!) The mixed messages we send are downright absurd! Society is rife with gaslighting, and we often ignore it, treating it as a mere afterthought.

   We only scratch the surface when discussing gaslighting in personal relationships. Movements like #metoo and #blacklivesmatter attempt to address it, but often, we’re dismissed. It’s a continuous battle just to be heard. As we head into 2024, can we please stop and truly listen? I mean, I’m not asking for monumental changes—just some acknowledgment that everyone has feelings, and you don’t get to dictate what those feelings are. Surprise!

   This holiday season, I want everyone to reflect and ask themselves if they contribute to the problem. I’ve had my moments, and I’m actively working on improving myself. That’s how we progress as a society—through conscious choices, not by expecting perfection.

4. A Dash of Respect
   Chill out, folks; this one is bigger than me. Just like acknowledging feelings, let’s extend some respect to one another, shall we? When I encounter something unappealing, I simply avert my gaze. It’s that easy. For those who can’t stand anything divergent from their own beliefs, how about keeping your opinions to yourself? Much like a raccoon, if you let us be, we’ll leave you alone.

   For the rest of us, let’s engage in conversation. I’ve come to realize that I know very little about other cultures despite my travels! The cuisines, festivities, attire, and traditions of others are treasures we miss out on by being closed-minded. Showing a bit of respect isn’t just a gift to others—it’s a gift to ourselves too.

   Why does this belong on my holiday list? Because it’s the season of goodwill! Everyone should be kind to one another, regardless of your beliefs or backgrounds. Why not?

5. A Genuine Thank You
   And now, back to me. I want a heartfelt thank you. Not something written on a card or inscribed on a trinket. I want my partner, my kids, or even a random stranger to stop mid-task, look me in the eye, and say “Thank you.” Authentic, human connection.

   We often get lost in the chaos of the season, which frustrates me. Each year, we rush from event to event, purchasing unnecessary items, wrapping gifts that will likely gather dust, and stressing over trivial details. If you see me, just express your gratitude and call it a day. I don’t need anything else—except maybe a glass of wine.

So there you have it: my grumpy holiday wishlist. You might love it or hate it, but this year, I’m shifting my focus to others. I’m tired of the cycle that claims it’s not about material gifts, yet everything revolves around them—the curated perfection that often masks the reality. It’s time to break free from this cycle.

And don’t forget, I would really love someone to clean my house and provide a magical trash can. Is that too much to ask?

If you’re interested in more on this topic, check out this post on home insemination. Also, for those looking to boost their fertility, visit Make a Mom, an authority in this field. And for further reading, the Genetics and IVF Institute is an excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.

Summary:

This holiday season, I’m sharing my straightforward wishlist, which includes a clean house, a self-emptying trash can, an end to societal gaslighting, respect for one another, and a sincere thank you. My focus this year is on connection and kindness, moving away from the typical consumerism that often overshadows the true spirit of the holidays.