There is a significant 24-year gap between my first daughter, Emily, and my twin daughters, Mia and Lily. Yes, that’s correct—24 years, not mere months. I became a mother for the first time at 18, and once Emily was off to forge her own path, I decided to embark on the journey of motherhood once more at 42. Interestingly, Emily now has her own daughter, which briefly made me a grandmother while expecting twins—a story for another time. I raised Emily during the 1990s and now navigate parenting in the 2010s with Mia and Lily.
Whenever people learn about my two distinct generations of children, the inevitable question arises: “What’s the most striking difference between then and now?” The answer is straightforward—the internet, which, unfortunately, has significantly undermined my maternal instincts.
During my initial experience as a parent, I didn’t consult parenting books or articles. I relied almost entirely on my instincts and the occasional advice of my mother, who offered her wisdom while smoking her Capri cigarettes. Sure, her guidance was sometimes questionable, but I turned out okay, right? With minimal options, I relied on her insights and my own intuition. Ultimately, despite our ups and downs, Emily grew into a wonderful person who contributes positively to society.
The second time around, however, was a different story. I was overwhelmed with the realization that I had access to the entire world of information at my fingertips. I eagerly started researching everything before the twins were even born, spending hours searching for answers to questions like, “Why do my babies hiccup so much in the womb?” My instincts—or my mother’s advice—would have suggested that I had eaten something spicy or that my babies were simply exercising their lungs. But Dr. Google painted a far more alarming picture, leading me to believe my twins might have their cords wrapped around their necks and that I needed immediate help. After a series of frantic searches, I found myself in tears, nearly rocking back and forth.
Despite my doctor’s advice to avoid the internet, I couldn’t resist. Once Mia and Lily arrived, my research intensified. I downloaded numerous apps to monitor their feeding, diaper changes, and developmental milestones. It got to a point where I couldn’t make decisions without consulting online sources first. By the time they were just two months old, I felt utterly paralyzed, having lost my intuition and confidence.
To be fair, the internet has its perks. I’ve connected with amazing twin mothers, snagged a fantastic deal on a running stroller through Craigslist, and maintained communication with my mother who lives out of state. However, the barrage of judgment, conflicting information, and dire warnings can easily lead to anxiety and self-doubt. Eventually, I realized the need to pause and regain my composure. In doing so, I discovered a middle ground that allows me to reclaim my instincts.
Strategies to Help Prevent the Erosion of Your Maternal Instincts
Tune Out the Judgment
I had never encountered the terms “mommy wars,” “mom shaming,” or “sanctimommy” until I became engrossed in online parenting discussions during my pregnancy. While judgmental attitudes have always existed—in the form of relatives offering unsolicited advice—today’s digital world amplifies these voices significantly. The truth is, no one has a definitive answer. We’re all navigating this journey together, and anyone claiming otherwise is as dubious as Great Aunt Sherry.
Acknowledge Conflicting Advice
Beyond the shaming lies a sea of contradictory information. Some say to wear your baby constantly; others insist it stifles independence. You’ll find advice advocating co-sleeping, while others warn against it. The volume of opposing viewpoints can be overwhelming. I’ve tried many methods, and each has its merits or drawbacks depending on individual circumstances. Focus on what resonates with you and your family, and disregard the rest.
Avoid Catastrophic Thinking
As you search for answers, it’s easy to spiral into worst-case scenarios. I’ve caught myself convinced that minor issues could lead to serious conditions. While it’s crucial to address genuine health concerns, it’s equally important to differentiate between serious conditions and everyday occurrences. When in doubt, limit your research to one or two possibilities and consult your healthcare provider.
Steer Clear of Comments Sections
No matter what, avoid the comments section. It’s a vortex of judgment and anxiety where conflicting information thrives. I’ve wasted countless hours getting sucked into the chaos of online comments, emerging disoriented and frustrated—much like a post-party hangover. It’s best to stay away.
Trust Your Instincts
This is perhaps the toughest piece of advice to follow. Second-guessing ourselves is common, but it’s essential to turn to your trusted circle for support. Don’t underestimate the power of your intuition; it’s still there, guiding you.
I still search for information online occasionally. My recent search history includes “easy crafts for toddlers that require no mess.” However, I’ve learned to approach online information with skepticism, often relying more on my instincts. I also find comfort in calling my mom for advice. Even though it’s been decades since she raised a baby and she may not be in touch with current trends, her reassuring words—“Honey, they’re just going through a phase. Trust your instincts”—remind me that love is at the core of effective parenting.
In summary, while the internet has transformed the parenting landscape, it’s vital to find balance. Trust your instincts, limit exposure to negativity, and lean on your support network. With a little patience, you can navigate the challenges of motherhood with confidence.
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