For the initial eight years of my journey in motherhood, I dedicated myself completely as a stay-at-home mom. Though I engaged in a bit of part-time work as a breastfeeding advisor, primarily on weekends, it hardly offered a respite from the chaos of parenting — hello, adorable yet demanding infants and emotional new mothers.
Transitioning into a freelance writing career from home over the past few years has provided me with a unique dynamic. With my youngest now in school, I find myself spending increasingly more time tucked away in my “office” (which is really just my bedroom) typing away. While I enjoy writing, it doesn’t serve as a break from parenting. Maintaining a successful writing career requires serious commitment: researching, connecting with editors, and producing quality articles.
However, I relish the fact that I can carve out about 20 hours weekly in a tranquil environment (I am not the type of writer who thrives in noise) away from my children, focusing solely on my work — it’s simply delightful.
It’s often said that we don’t recognize the extent of our struggles until life improves. Reflecting on those first eight years of parenting, I realize how depleted I felt. While being a stay-at-home mom was a role I had always aspired to take on, the continuous demands and intensity left me feeling worn thin, as if I were perpetually on-call.
In hindsight, I wouldn’t change those years of having an infant glued to me. The early days of motherhood were akin to a passionate love affair, where my children’s needs intertwined with my own. Yet, I grappled with anxiety and depression far more than I should have. Many evenings, I found myself utterly exhausted, my body heavy, longing for rest. By 5 p.m., I was completely spent—not solely due to sleepless nights or endless demands, but rather from a profound sensory overload. I felt as though I had lost my essence, my inner peace, buried beneath the weight of drool, spit-up, and tears.
A few years back, I discovered the research of Dr. Elaine Aron, who introduced the concept of the highly sensitive person (HSP). Her insights resonated with me and illuminated many challenges I had faced throughout my life, especially in my role as a parent. Highly sensitive individuals, like myself, tend to be easily overwhelmed by sensory stimuli—bright lights, loud noises, and chaotic surroundings. This often leads to a feeling of needing to retreat more quickly than others, particularly in social situations.
It’s almost as if the tumultuous, relentless nature of parenting is tailor-made to push a highly sensitive person to their limit, right? Early on in my parenting experience, I recognized that I wouldn’t be the kind of mom who organized countless playdates or social gatherings for my children. I made it a priority to ensure that nap times and evenings were dedicated to quiet moments for myself. I avoided housework during these times, and rarely ventured out after the kids were asleep; I craved the serene silence of my slumbering home.
While I managed to find ways to thrive as a sensitive parent, ensuring time for self-care, I now understand that my needs extend beyond fleeting moments of tranquility. I require several hours each day of uninterrupted, peaceful solitude to maintain my mental well-being. Time to process, reflect, and decompress is essential—much more than a mother on duty around the clock can typically obtain.
Though I cherish my full-time days as a mom (especially missing those baby cuddles), I recognize the improved balance I’ve established now significantly benefits my emotional health. I admire mothers who can handle the 24/7 demands of parenting, but I’ve come to accept that I am not one of them, at least not for the long haul.
Instead of suppressing my sensitivity or viewing it as a flaw, I’ve learned to embrace and celebrate it. My heightened awareness of my surroundings is a gift—one that likely explains my journey into writing. It enables me to be attuned to my children’s needs, whether I’m physically present or not.
Even with my current balance, there are moments when I still need to retreat from the whirlwind of family life. My children have come to understand this about me; when I say, “I just need some silence,” they recognize it’s essential for my well-being, and I retreat to my bedroom for a few minutes of meditation. I hope to instill in them the lesson that caring for one’s own needs is not a weakness, but rather a strength.
Motherhood presents unique challenges and limits for each of us. During the demanding early years, it can be tough to prioritize personal needs. However, feeling overwhelmed and stressed is detrimental to both oneself and one’s children. The reality is that maintaining mental health is one of the most vital aspects of parenting.
Identifying what brings you balance and happiness is the first step in this journey, and taking proactive measures to fulfill those needs will ultimately benefit everyone involved in the long run. For more insights on parenting and the importance of self-care, check out our other blog post on stay-at-home dads at Home Insemination Kit. If you’re seeking expert advice, Make A Mom is a credible resource on this topic, and for comprehensive information about pregnancy, visit Medline Plus.
In summary, as a highly sensitive individual, prioritizing solitude is essential for my mental health. Balancing the demands of motherhood with my need for quiet time has led to a healthier, more fulfilling life.
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