Recently, I had a conversation with my six-year-old nephew. He shared that earlier that day, two of his friends visited him. Curious, I asked, “Did they come over to play?” He replied, “No, they came to apologize for pulling my hair.”
Taken aback, I asked, “What did you say after they apologized?” He beamed and said, “I accept your apology!” I couldn’t help but chuckle at his adorable response. Intrigued, I asked him where he learned to respond that way. He informed me it was something taught in school, so I inquired about how it was presented.
He explained, “If a student is mean, our teacher brings us together and asks for an apology. The apology isn’t complete until the other says, ‘I accept your apology.’” Then, in his innocent six-year-old tone, he added, “I don’t know why we don’t do that at home. Home is just like school.” His words made me reflect on the importance of reinforcing what children learn in school within the home environment.
Many children from marginalized groups, including LGBTQ youth, often receive negative messages about their identities, particularly when adults fail to acknowledge or affirm these identities. Engaging in candid conversations at home can help prevent bullying and its detrimental effects, such as addiction, depression, and even suicide.
According to a 2019 study published by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in The Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA), the suicide rate among 15-24-year-olds in the U.S. has reached its highest level since 2000, with a notable increase among males aged 15-19. Furthermore, a recent US News and World Report study published in JAMA Pediatrics revealed that while depression rates among heterosexual teens have declined since 1999, the rates for LGB teens have remained unchanged.
The study surveyed about 33,500 teens annually between 1999 and 2017 regarding their experiences with prolonged periods of depression. Among heterosexual teens, approximately 30% reported being depressed for two weeks or more in 1999, but that figure dropped five percentage points by 2017. In contrast, around 51% of LGB teens reported experiencing depression in 1999, and nearly two decades later, that statistic remains constant. Caitlin Ryan, director of the Family Acceptance Project at San Francisco State University, emphasizes the urgent need for improved social services supporting LGBTQ youth, stating that while societal acceptance has increased, the gap in necessary support persists.
In a recent encounter with a young person I mentor, he revealed the extent of bullying he experienced in high school. I was taken aback, as he is such a vibrant individual. When I expressed my disbelief, he simply said, “Why is that surprising? I’m a little gay boy.” It was disheartening to hear him internalize blame for the bullying he faced.
As parents and caregivers, it’s crucial to instill in children that they are never responsible for being bullied. Just as it’s unreasonable to suggest that someone’s attire justifies harassment, we must shift the focus away from the victims. Until we create a new narrative, the shame will linger in the minds of those who are bullied, leading some parents to wish their children were not LGBTQ due to societal concerns.
I recently asked a group of parents what issues they believed should be more frequently addressed in schools. One mother responded, “I’d like to know what to do if my child is the bully.” Many parents prefer to see their children as defenders or bystanders rather than considering the possibility that they could be the aggressor. Encouraging open dialogue allows us to tackle this issue proactively.
Here’s a simple five-step approach that can be employed with children of all ages:
- Recognize and acknowledge behaviors, language, and conversations.
- Stay informed about friendships and social dynamics.
- Be open to uncovering and addressing negative messages.
- Take action by calling out inappropriate behavior and speaking up.
- Encourage apologies and the acceptance process (I drew inspiration for this step from my nephew).
It’s essential for children to learn from their mistakes and understand the importance of self-forgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t merely for others; it serves to benefit oneself, aiding in the release of any lingering shame.
Establishing systems of support at home, in schools, and on playgrounds will empower youth while also reducing the incidence of bullying directed at LGBTQ individuals. This proactive approach can mitigate the harmful effects of shame, fostering healthier environments for today’s youth and the generations to come. For more insights, check out this related post on home insemination.
In conclusion, as we navigate the complexities of parenting and social dynamics, let’s ensure we address bullying with empathy and clarity, reinforcing positive behaviors while dismantling harmful narratives. For additional guidance on child development and family support, visit this excellent resource on pregnancy.
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