Stop Asking People, “Have You Lost Weight?”

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Throughout my teenage years and into adulthood, compliments about my appearance often started with, “You look amazing! Have you lost weight?” Friends and family would admire my slender physique, seemingly convinced I held the secret to effortless weight loss. With each compliment, I felt a fleeting sense of validation, as if the number on the scale defined my worth.

However, beneath that surface was a painful reality. My journey toward maintaining a thin body was not magical; it was fraught with struggles related to an eating disorder, body dysmorphia, and a dangerous reliance on diet pills. The praise I received only intensified my obsession with being thin—each comment propelling me deeper into an unhealthy mindset. I was not truly happy, despite the fleeting satisfaction I felt from societal acceptance.

Fast forward four years, and my body has changed dramatically after having two children, leading to a weight gain of 75 pounds. My body now occupies more space, and I have fully recovered from my eating disorder. I have learned to appreciate and love myself, embracing a healthier mindset. Yet, the same individuals who once praised my thinness have gone silent, seemingly unable to acknowledge my body now.

This silence highlights a deeper issue: measuring someone’s health and worth based on their weight fosters a culture of shame, self-loathing, and disordered eating. The pressure to conform to an unrealistic ideal of thinness is unsustainable. Research from UCLA shows that most people who diet end up regaining the weight, and many even gain more. Despite this evidence, our society continues to push the narrative that losing weight equates to success and happiness.

From an early age, I was bombarded with media messages that glorified thinness. I started dieting as a child, thinking it was necessary to fit in, which led me down a path of unhealthy behaviors. The societal expectation that thinness equates to health prevented anyone from questioning my well-being during those formative years.

It’s crucial to recognize that unsolicited comments about weight loss can be harmful. They perpetuate a damaging system of judgment and exclusion. We must understand that someone’s weight change might stem from various factors, and assuming it’s positive can be detrimental. This is particularly important for children to witness; we must model acceptance and self-worth that isn’t tied to body size.

As individuals, we should reject the notion that our value is linked to the scale. If you find yourself caught in the cycle of seeking validation through weight loss, know that it’s okay to step back. Our society has ingrained the idea that self-worth is tied to our physical appearance, but we can redefine that narrative.

You are deserving of love and respect, regardless of your weight. The mental toll of dieting and striving for an ideal body is not worth it. It’s important to focus on your intrinsic qualities that have nothing to do with your physical shape. The freedom from the confines of diet culture is liberating, and you are equally worthy of that freedom.

For further insights on this journey, check out this resource on fertility treatments or explore different approaches to parenting in our other blog post here.

In summary, let’s shift the conversation away from weight loss and focus on holistic well-being. Embrace yourself for who you are, allowing space for growth, compassion, and acceptance.


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