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Once a month, I find myself having a meltdown about the state of my home. My partner comes home from work and immediately senses the storm brewing in my eyes. I vent about the clutter that seems to multiply on every surface, the crumpled socks and snack wrappers strewn across the living room floor, and the mountain of dirty dishes waiting in the sink. Then there are those five baskets of clean laundry that my family rummages through instead of folding and putting away.
My partner is understanding. I often remind him that I work, live, and play in the same space—our home. When it’s chaotic, I can’t help but feel chaotic too.
I’ve heard all the comforting phrases: “Memories are made in messy homes,” and “I should be too blessed to be stressed.” I should also be grateful for having a home to clean, clothes to wash, and dishes to scrub. Yet, none of these clichés alleviate my anxiety about the mess. I fixate on the granola bar wrapper, wrestling with whether to pick it up myself or wait for the culprit to return home and address their litter. I’ve even tried the passive-aggressive method of waiting to see who notices. Spoiler alert: it’s not effective.
I’ve dealt with anxiety for most of my life, officially diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder in my thirties. I genuinely strive to change my perspective, attempting to adopt a carefree attitude and engage in playful activities with my children. However, I can only manage to focus on the fun for a few minutes before I’m up, sweeping the kitchen floor.
Messiness creates a sense of chaos and dread for me. Unfinished tasks pile up on my already lengthy to-do list, and I become fixated until I muster enough motivation to engage in a cleaning frenzy. If I don’t do it, who will throw away the stale cereal and empty snack bags?
Certainly, there are chore charts and reward systems for kids if that suits your family’s style. My partner is an equal collaborator, doing dishes, changing diapers, and preparing breakfast every Saturday morning. We’re not stuck in a 1950s household dynamic. However, since I spend more time at home than anyone else, the bulk of domestic responsibilities often defaults to me.
When my house resembles a disaster zone, my mind struggles to focus. Despite my desire for a tidy home, I recognize that with a large family and a hectic lifestyle, messes are an inevitable reality. This truth alone heightens my anxiety.
People often mock those who maintain a clean home, labeling them as “neat freaks.” Such comments can be hurtful, especially for those like me, whose anxiety can overshadow various aspects of life, including our living spaces. A tidy environment can significantly influence our daily experiences. When our home has some semblance of order, we feel more at ease, allowing us to concentrate better at work and connect more meaningfully with our children and partners.
My need for order isn’t about being a germaphobe either. With four kids, achieving total germ control is impossible. I’d love to avoid stomach bugs and flu, but that’s wishful thinking.
I embrace who I am, but it can be tough dealing with the dismissive comments from those who belittle my anxiety regarding messiness. I once saw a post in a parenting group where a stay-at-home mom expressed her struggle with chaos in her home. She sought advice, only to be met with condescending remarks telling her to relax. The implication that anxiety is a choice is both frustrating and inaccurate.
Another commenter, while trying to be supportive, suggested that the mother enjoy the fleeting moments with her children instead of worrying about cleanliness. Yet, it’s clear that the overwhelmed mom wasn’t neglecting her kids; she was simply battling the chaos that was impacting her ability to connect with them. For many of us, anxiety teaches that control, even if temporary, can provide a sense of relief.
I’m aware that I’ll never adopt a carefree attitude when it comes to maintaining my home. Despite managing my anxiety with therapy, medication, and exercise, the urge to start a load of laundry before settling down to write is persistent.
If you also struggle to keep your home somewhat tidy for your mental well-being, know that you’re not alone. This challenge is real, and while the judgments can sting, we don’t have the luxury of dwelling on them for too long—we’re too busy organizing our kids’ closets. For more insights on maintaining a clean home while navigating parenthood, check out this post on homeinsemination.gay and visit Make a Mom for expert advice on home insemination techniques, along with NICHD for valuable pregnancy resources.
Summary
Balancing a clean home with the demands of family life can be a source of anxiety for many parents. The struggle to maintain order amidst chaos is real and often met with judgment from others. While some may label those who prioritize cleanliness as “neat freaks,” it’s essential to recognize that a tidy environment can significantly impact mental well-being. The journey of parenting is filled with challenges, but finding ways to create a peaceful living space can foster a greater sense of connection and focus within the family.
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