As the parent of three young children—a lively 8-year-old and two energetic 6-year-olds—dinnertime has become a wild adventure. My kids snack with the fervor of food critics, yet when dinner rolls around, it seems they’ve forgotten any semblance of self-control. At this rate, I’m left wondering how I’ll manage to keep up with their insatiable appetites.
While this may seem like a good problem, their table manners leave much to be desired. Despite my best efforts to instill proper etiquette—encouraging them to say please and thank you, and reminding them to chew with their mouths closed—dinnertime remains a chaotic ordeal.
1. Food Hair, A Familiar Foe
The thought of food hair makes my stomach churn. I can’t stomach my own hair in a meal, yet my youngest seems to enjoy her dinner while her hair dances in her mouth. It’s as if she’s using her strands as an unconventional utensil, creating a masterpiece of pasta sauce and locks. My son manages to incorporate his hair into his meal as well, while my other child often finds her napkin doubling as a makeshift towel for her face, only to rediscover the remnants of her dinner in her hair.
2. Chairs: A Constant Challenge
Why do kids seem to tumble off chairs multiple times a day, only to act surprised when it happens? One moment they’re balancing precariously, and the next, they’re under the table, sobbing about the “injustice” of gravity. It often leads to spilled plates, prompting me to suggest they finish their meals on the floor—unless the dog beats them to it.
3. The Dog’s Dinner Delights
Of course, the dog snatched your food. When you wave your hot dog around like a baton, it’s only a matter of time before it ends up in the dog’s mouth—either from your hand or the floor.
4. Foul Tastes and Funny Sounds
Dinner isn’t complete unless someone mentions poop at least 27 times or lets out a loud fart, declaring it was a “gift” for me. I might find my child’s comic timing amusing if I weren’t already so exasperated.
5. The Art of Sitting Still
Convincing my children to remain seated for the duration of dinner—12 whole minutes—proves to be an uphill battle. My son frequently takes a bite, then slides off his chair, embarking on an aimless journey around the kitchen. Someone will inevitably forget why they got up, only to get distracted by a shiny object in the other room.
6. Musical Mayhem
“Alexa! Play the latest hits!” is a common chant, drowning out any semblance of conversation. While I appreciate the distraction from my children’s chewing, it only intensifies the chaos.
7. Gravity: Our Constant Adversary
Yes, I’m well aware that you fell again.
8. The Disgust Factor
Our pediatrician insists that kids should try new foods as their taste buds develop. Apparently, my children have an unusual ability to turn their favorite dishes into something even feral dogs would turn their noses up at. “Peanut butter is in the cupboard—help yourself, kid. No, you cannot have yogurt and Halloween candy for dinner.”
9. Turning Down the Volume
By the end of the evening, my patience is wearing thin, yet my hearing remains intact. I can only wish for peace and quiet while I navigate the headache that comes from one more chorus of a pop song.
10. Conversations Gone Awry
I attempt to engage my kids in meaningful conversations about their day, but even the most intriguing questions yield little. My attempts quickly revert to nagging reminders about table manners and the latest round of flatulence.
Despite my efforts to foster quality family time over dinner, it often feels like a form of torture. While my kids seem to thrive in this delightful chaos, I’m left seeking solace—please pass the salt…and the Tylenol.
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Summary:
Dinnertime can be a chaotic experience for families with young children, filled with spills, unexpected tumbles, and humorous distractions. Despite efforts to maintain order and encourage good manners, the reality is often a whirlwind of noise, laughter, and the occasional disaster. Embracing the chaos while seeking resources for family planning can provide support and guidance.
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