Every morning, as I drop my son off at school, I envelop him in a warm embrace. I plant a gentle kiss on his forehead and say, “I love you, see you later.” At six years old, he finds it a bit embarrassing, eager to rush off to join his friends. However, I always take that moment to hold him close. In today’s world, where uncertainty looms, I want him to know how much he is loved, just in case he might not hear it again.
Some might label my concerns as excessive or unfounded, but I see it differently. I am a realist, navigating through a time when the safety of our children is frequently questioned. The act of hugging my son goodbye is, in fact, one of the most grounded responses I can have. While homeschooling might seem like a way to keep him safe, it isn’t feasible for us. More importantly, I want him to learn how to face the world independently, even if it causes me worry each morning.
Reflections on Tragedy
The tragedy of Sandy Hook happened just before my son was born, and I still remember the heartache of mothers who would never get to see their children again. I had nieces and nephews close in age to those innocent lives taken too soon. Now, my own child is of the same age, and with every hug goodbye, I think of those mothers who lost their chance to embrace their babies.
Since that tragic day, the situation has only worsened. School shootings have become a grim reality that some parents learn to adjust to, even as the constant anxiety weighs heavily on them. The thought that a parent could fear their child might not return home from school is an unbearable burden that many of us share.
Emergency Drills and Anxiety
Recently, my son participated in his first “emergency drill” at school. To avoid frightening the little ones, they don’t call it a lockdown drill. My son is prone to anxiety, and thankfully, his teacher informed me about the drill in advance, allowing me to address his questions later. It pains me that we even need to have such discussions, but it’s a reality we all face now. We talked about listening to his teacher and staying calm. I advised him that if fear creeps in, he should picture me giving him a loving hug.
When I hug my son goodbye, I take a mental snapshot of him—his jacket color, the shoes he chose for the day. As he walks towards the school entrance, I make a conscious effort to commit those moments to memory. The comforting thought is that our home is just a few blocks away, allowing me to reach him quickly if needed.
Contemplating the Unthinkable
But what if the danger doesn’t come from him? Sometimes, I contemplate the idea that I could be the one in harm’s way. The reality is that violence can arise anywhere, even in a grocery store. If something were to happen to me, my son would be at the forefront of my mind.
Just before summer ended, we found ourselves in Times Square when a car backfire sent us into a panic, momentarily mistaking it for gunfire. That night remains etched in my memory, as we were gripped by fear. Thankfully, nothing occurred, but the reality of potential violence felt palpable. Since school began less than a week later, my hugs became a response to that anxiety.
Growing Concerns
This year marks his first full year in school, and while I experienced worries during preschool, they have intensified now that he is in elementary school. The introduction of emergency drills adds a layer of concern that is hard to ignore. I try to push the negative thoughts aside, but when they surface, they often bring tears—not from fear, but from frustration.
Children should not have to exist in a world where school brings fear of violence. Parents shouldn’t have to comfort their kids after lockdown drills. A simple goodbye hug should be free of the weight of “what if.” Unfortunately, I fear that real change is far off, as the value placed on guns often outweighs that of innocent lives. Therefore, I will continue to cherish those goodbye hugs every morning.
Further Reading
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Conclusion
In summary, the morning ritual of hugging my son goodbye is a vital part of our day—a reminder of love in an unpredictable world. Each embrace carries the weight of worry for his safety but also the joy of our bond. I will continue to hold him close, as every moment counts.
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