My Dearest Jason,
I realize that when we entered into this marriage, you didn’t anticipate the challenges that accompany living with depression. When we first crossed paths, my struggles were masked, even from myself. It wasn’t until our precious baby girl arrived that the reality of my mental health emerged. Yet, despite this revelation, you remained steadfast. You didn’t walk away. You didn’t express anger or frustration. Instead, you offered your support and encouraged me to seek the help I needed.
Since then, I’ve taken steps toward healing, but I still encounter difficult moments. We’ve learned together that I’m facing more than just postpartum depression; I’ve been grappling with a long-standing battle that was dormant for many years. The arrival of our child seemed to awaken it, and it appears to be a persistent presence in my life. Nevertheless, you are still here, choosing to stand by my side. You didn’t have to commit to this path, even with our daughter in the picture. You understood the potential for ups and downs, yet you still chose me. For that, I am forever grateful.
I recognize that my struggles with depression can bring you down. Your happiness is intertwined with mine, and when I share my darker thoughts, it pains you to witness my suffering. Still, you choose to stay and strive for both our happiness.
I understand it may seem selfish for me to feel this way, given the wonderful life I have with you and our little girl. But I want you to know that my sadness isn’t your fault. There’s nothing you could have done to prevent it, nor can you fix it. All I truly need from you is your presence and unwavering support. With a little assistance through medication and therapy, I believe I can navigate this journey, but please, don’t blame yourself.
There are moments when I express how hard life feels, even wishing I didn’t exist. But I want to reassure you that it’s never because I don’t see the worth in you and our daughter. You both are the reasons I strive to stay here. Sometimes, I feel as though my existence brings pain, and I wonder if it would have been easier never to have been born. Yet, knowing you and our child makes me realize the depth of what I would miss. I’m committed to being present.
Thank you for allowing me to prioritize my mental health. Your support in funding therapy sessions, doctor’s visits, and medications means the world to me. I appreciate your understanding when I’m unable to prepare meals and your willingness to grab takeout. Your kindness in fulfilling my random cravings shows your care, and I’m grateful for our late-night conversations when you sense something is amiss.
Just as you have always supported me, I promise to be there for you. I recall your own battles with anxiety, and while it was hard to see you suffer, I was grateful for the opportunity to support you. I hope I was able to provide the love you needed during that time. Now that you’ve found your way back to a better place, I want you to know that if those feelings ever return, I’m here for you, time and again.
Life will undoubtedly throw challenges our way—job losses, sickness, or the loss of loved ones—but I will always stand by your side. My commitment to you isn’t solely based on your support for me, but because of the love I hold for you. Even when my depression clouds my happiness, I promise there’s a radiant smile beneath those clouds. It may not always be visible, but just as the sun exists behind the clouds, so does my joy for you.
I often ponder whether you might be happier with someone else, someone free of these struggles. Yet, I believe there’s a purpose in our union. If it were anyone else, I would still face my postpartum depression, but I doubt I would have received the incredible support you’ve shown. Likewise, I cherish the moments when I could support you during your anxiety. Our connection makes us stronger; we understand each other in ways that others might not. We know when to give space and when to provide that extra love.
So, as long as I draw breath and beyond, I will continue to love you with all my heart. You are the most compassionate husband and father, and my love for you is eternal. I often wish that every wife could experience the depth of love you offer me, as it seems unfair to others. Yet, I will hold onto this love and cherish you even more each day.
With all my love,
Your Grateful Wife
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