It’s a topic I find difficult to discuss, even with my closest friends—the wave of resentment I felt upon seeing photos from my friends’ recent getaway. A number of families, including their children, enjoyed a delightful cruise together. Unfortunately, my family wasn’t part of it.
Even if our budget could stretch to cover the fares for my husband, myself, and our three kids, the days off work were simply unattainable. Losing out on income and finding someone to care for our two dogs added to the weight of the decision.
And yes, the feelings of resentment and envy crept in. Each time I spotted a new album on social media filled with smiling faces enjoying the sun-soaked pool deck, a familiar wave of that unpleasant emotion washed over me. I would mutter to myself, “Must be nice,” followed by a guilt trip for feeling this way. After all, they didn’t go on vacation to make me feel bad. I try to suppress these feelings, embarrassed by them, yet they keep resurfacing.
When my friends’ children were accepted into an elite high school program—every child but mine—I couldn’t help but feel that twinge of envy. While I’m thrilled for my daughter’s friends, I know she yearns for that opportunity. As everyone else celebrates, we find ourselves on the sidelines, attempting to remain positive while we make alternative plans.
I understand that life’s outcomes don’t always seem fair. Our family is not worse off than others—at least not in terms of basic needs. We have enough to keep our home running, food on the table, and we manage to provide our children with decent holidays. More than many others, in fact. Yet, in these moments, it’s difficult not to glimpse at my friends’ jubilant families and not feel a pang of resentment.
We work diligently just to get by, and our “special treats” consist of renting a movie from Redbox and making popcorn. While these moments are cherished by our kids, I still wish I could offer them more. It’s nearly impossible not to compare our situation to others. Why do our kids seem left out? Why does it feel like everyone else is achieving promotions, getting accepted into prestigious programs, and winning scholarships? We’re putting in our hard work too, yet it often feels like we’re running in place, making noise without moving forward.
It’s not that I begrudge my friends or their children for their accomplishments. I remind myself that my envy is a petty feeling, and I do count my blessings. We’re healthy, we have shelter, food, and love for one another. I recognize that’s already more than many people can claim. Yet, this feeling keeps surfacing, and I refuse to ignore it, even if only to myself.
Psychology Today suggests practicing self-compassion in moments of envy. It asserts that self-criticism only complicates emotions, paving the way for anxiety and shame. Envy often points to our own insecurities and fears. My husband and I are working diligently to improve our circumstances, but some days it feels like we’re hamsters on a wheel—busy but not getting anywhere.
While the idea of using envy as a motivator sounds appealing, I’m already stretched thin with my 50+ hour work week. They propose using this feeling to foster gratitude, which I do—it’s helpful to remind myself of what we do have. Additionally, viewing envy as a chance for growth is another route. Perhaps I’m a bit petty; maybe I need to grow from this experience. But I also know I’m human. Envy is a common emotion we all face.
If you’ve experienced similar feelings of envy, know that you’re not alone. This emotional response often intensifies during challenging times, whether financially or emotionally, making it nearly impossible not to compare our struggles to others’ successes. However, feeling this way doesn’t make you a bad person—just as my private envy doesn’t define me. I would never direct my resentment at my friends because I understand that my envy is a reflection of my own situation, not theirs. Life can be tough, and I find myself in a challenging season. I trust that things will improve. Until then, I’ll continue to support my friends wholeheartedly, even while I grapple with feeling somewhat left out.
For more personal insights on this topic, consider checking out this article. If you’re exploring avenues to start a family, resources like this kit can provide valuable information. The NHS also offers excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination at this link.
Summary
This piece explores the complex feelings of envy and resentment that can arise among parents when comparing their experiences to those of friends. It delves into the emotional struggles that accompany financial and social comparisons, emphasizing the importance of self-compassion and gratitude. Ultimately, it reassures readers that these feelings are normal and that they are not alone in their experiences.
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