In the realm of parenthood, the choice of a child’s name often carries significant emotional weight. Many expectant parents can relate to the feeling that their chosen name might be “stolen.” This term may seem a bit extreme, yet it resonates with anyone who has experienced the disappointment of seeing a name they cherished claimed by someone else—be it a family member, friend, or acquaintance. Unfortunately, this scenario occurs more frequently than one might think.
As parents of four, we found that naming our first two daughters was relatively straightforward. Our family expanded through adoption, and we had only a few hours to select names for the girls. Strikingly, we hadn’t even met them when our lawyer requested names to finalize adoption paperwork. After some brainstorming while we awaited the call, we quickly decided on names. Once we reached the court, we excitedly informed our loved ones of our new arrivals and their names.
The situation took a different turn with our third child, a son. With two months to choose a name, I relished the opportunity to explore and jot down options. I thought it would be engaging to involve my family in the naming process. During a family dinner, I proposed my favored name: Clark, inspired by Clark Kent. The reaction was lackluster, filled with eye rolls and sarcastic remarks.
Family dynamics complicated matters. My mother insisted on a Biblical name, which did not align with my vision, while my younger sister was keen on nature-themed names, which didn’t resonate with me either. My brother, enamored with historical figures, suggested names that simply did not fit my preferences. I leaned toward unique, vintage names rather than popular choices, as I wanted my son to stand out among his peers.
The discussions continued until our son was born, with my family bombarding me with suggestions via texts and emails. After much frustration, I opted for a little white lie, claiming we would name him Steven Jr., after my husband. It was an easy way to divert attention while alleviating the pressure of collective decision-making.
When we prepared to adopt our fourth child, we had four months to settle on her name. This time, I was determined to keep the discussions private, solely between my husband and me. I didn’t want to deal with any negative feedback or unsolicited opinions. We returned to the basics, poring over baby name books and conducting online research to find the perfect name. Once we settled on a name for our baby girl, I ordered a beautiful wall decal featuring her name, which I promptly applied to her nursery wall. To maintain the secrecy, I covered the name with paper, ensuring that visitors couldn’t judge our choice before her arrival.
This secrecy, however, tested my family’s patience. My mother suggested I share the name so she could craft personalized gifts, but I remained firm in my decision. I knew that delays in adoption could happen at any moment, and I didn’t want to risk heartbreak by revealing the name too early. Referring to her as “the baby” not only safeguarded the name but also protected our hearts. I even confided in my best friend about the name after securing her promise to keep it confidential, feeling the weight of excitement was too much to bear alone.
Ultimately, it’s essential to choose a name that resonates with you, regardless of others’ opinions. If you decide to share your child’s name beforehand, be prepared for unsolicited feedback. If that occurs, remind those around you that they are free to choose names for their children as they wish. Your selection is personal and should be free from debate or appropriation.
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In summary, keeping your chosen name a secret until your child’s arrival can be a protective measure against potential disappointment and unwanted opinions. As you navigate the naming process, remember that your choices are ultimately yours to make.
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