It’s 4:21 AM, and my two-year-old is crying beside me for the eighth time that night. My five-year-old occupies the other side of the bed, filling in for my husband, who has sought refuge in the other room for a fleeting chance at sleep. Eventually, I relent, carry my toddler to the couch, switch on The Incredibles 2—our daily ritual—and give her some snacks before attempting to return to bed. Not long later, she’s back, this time demanding more food and my company on the couch. Naturally, her sister wakes up too, and just like that, we’re back to being exhausted at 5 AM. By 6:30 AM, I’m contemplating a third cup of coffee, but I hold back, hoping my little one might nap later, allowing me a chance to rest as well. What a delightful thought!
The saying goes that it takes a village to raise a child, but what occurs when that village is absent from your life? You become the village. You are the sole providers of nourishment, affection, shelter, play, and everything else your child needs. Due to our family’s frequent relocations for work and our passion for skiing, we have struggled to forge lasting friendships or find babysitters we can trust. Feeling overwhelmed yet?
When you are your own village, the notion of a “break” becomes a fantasy. Date nights are nonexistent, and we lack friends to help break the routine. Exhaustion can feel like a relentless beast, and your greatest wish becomes a full night of uninterrupted sleep. You envision it, only to realize it’s a mere daydream, and soon enough, you’re lying awake in bed, dreading the inevitable cries of your child.
Our lifestyle deviates significantly from societal norms. We married last year after being together for seven years and having two children during that time. We don’t own a home, lack jobs with pensions or retirement plans, and we don’t have a family member nearby to lend a hand in times of need. We’ve moved 11 times through nine cities in Canada over just eight years, with our children in tow for five and a half of those years.
It’s human nature to dwell on what you lack, and this preoccupation can dominate your thoughts on how to achieve the “normal” life that society expects. Yet, it’s essential to shift this mindset. If we were to throw all our problems into a pot, we would likely choose our own again upon seeing the challenges others face. When you start to focus on your blessings and the positives in your life, the internal turmoil diminishes, and you begin to feel good about your choices—because this is your life, and it’s perfectly valid. If you are unhappy with your decisions, it’s crucial to self-reflect and implement the changes you desire; no one else can do it for you—not your child, spouse, friend, or family.
This realization has led us to a pivotal understanding. We’ve begun to concentrate on our current situation and the potential paths ahead. We are not “stuck” unless we choose to be. We can take pride in the resilience we’ve shown by raising our children mostly on our own while exploring some of Canada’s most beautiful locations and managing our businesses. The bond my partner and I share is passionate on all levels—parenting, romance, and collaboration. The village we rely on is each other and our children, and that is a beautiful thing.
When you are your own village, you have a choice: you can wallow in self-pity due to feeling overwhelmed, or you can recognize the strength and beauty in what you’re accomplishing. Admittedly, some days it’s challenging to see things this way. I’ve stumbled too many times to count, often feeling impatient and deprived of sleep. You might feel like you’ve lost your identity while tending to everyone else’s needs, propelling them forward amidst the cooking, cleaning, and caregiving. You may question your purpose and feel overwhelmed by the idea of finding a break.
Motherhood transforms your life entirely. Rather than yearning for the freedom of your past, focus on what you can do now to improve your situation. Celebrate the small victories. Acknowledge how well your children are flourishing and understand that your efforts are bearing fruit. This phase is temporary; although some days may feel insurmountable, it’s essential to embrace and own your reality.
It is time to choose to appreciate the life you have and acknowledge just how much worse it could be. Don’t let societal norms dictate your definition of success. Everyone is dealt different cards; it’s how you play them that determines the outcome. If you have a strong hand in a game of Crazy Eights but keep trying to play Poker, you’ll find no success. Discover how to make your cards work for you. Take charge, enact the changes that will enhance your well-being, shift your mindset, adjust your actions, and transform your life.
For further insights on home insemination, visit this link to explore more about your options. If you’re looking for authoritative information on artificial insemination, check out this resource or this excellent guide.
Summary
Navigating parenthood without a support network can be challenging. When the village is absent, you become the village, managing all aspects of child-rearing and household responsibilities. Embracing your unique situation and focusing on the positives can foster resilience. By reflecting on your circumstances and making necessary changes, you can enhance your life and appreciate the journey of parenthood.
Leave a Reply