My seven-year-old son has been counting down to his birthday since the day after he turned six. In our family, birthdays are special occasions, much like they were for me growing up. We decorate with handmade banners, bake a cake of the birthday kid’s choice, wrap gifts in personalized paper, and sing along to Stevie Wonder’s iconic birthday song.
However, my feelings about throwing parties are complicated. I’ve been the mom who meticulously plans elaborate celebrations for months on end. Any parent can tell you that organizing a birthday bash is no small feat. There’s the relentless task of booking a venue—or scrambling to tidy up your home—weeks in advance. Next, you have to create and distribute invitations, prepare an allergy-conscious menu, and scour Pinterest for game ideas.
Then comes the ordering of all the necessary paper goods and decorations that align with whatever theme your little one desires. Sometimes, the requested themes are so far-fetched—like ninja-mermaid—that finding cake plates to match is practically impossible. Planning a party can feel like a second, unpaid job, and don’t even get me started on the RSVPs.
For the uninitiated, RSVP stands for répondez s’il vous plaît, which means please respond. But let’s face it, the majority of parents will ignore this request. And if they do reply, there’s a good chance they’ll change their minds at the last minute. It’s a gamble that rarely pays off, leaving you with an overabundance or shortage of food and, oh joy, acting as a makeshift babysitter.
I might sound like a cranky elder, but the etiquette surrounding children’s birthday parties seems to have vanished. Many parents are either inconsiderate or simply unaware of the social norms that make parties enjoyable. Sadly, it’s the birthday child who ends up disappointed when expectations aren’t met. Kids build up the magic of their special day for weeks, and nothing stings more than having that dream crushed.
This year, I decided to skip the chaotic planning altogether. I gently informed my son that we wouldn’t be having a party. Did I feel a twinge of guilt? Sure, especially since many of his friends were celebrating with parties. But when I shared the news, I braced myself for tears or tantrums. Instead, he shrugged and said, “Okay.” I was expecting a struggle, but it never came.
Instead of shelling out hundreds for a whirlwind of activity and potential letdowns, we celebrated in smaller, more meaningful ways. The weekend before his birthday, my son and his dad enjoyed some laser tag and arcade games. The venue was a bustling hub of flashing lights and delightful chaos, and my son relished the undivided attention from his dad.
On the day of his birthday, we indulged in cake and opened gifts. His classmates even sang to him while he savored a large chocolate cupcake and a small jug of milk. It was a relaxed affair, and he was genuinely happy. The following weekend, his grandparents visited, bringing even more food and gifts—because let’s face it, grandparent gifts are always the best.
Every child is unique. My eldest, a tween, yearned for a birthday party last year, and we made it happen. She’s old enough to grasp budgeting and planning, and she contributed to her celebration. Besides, keeping track of eight tweens is far easier than managing twenty over-excited seven-year-olds fueled by too much soda.
Fortunately, my son didn’t mourn the absence of a party. Once he realized all the fun we had organized, he let go of the party idea without a second thought. He sees his school friends daily and hangs out with others on weekends, so the real magic wasn’t in a party—it was in the cake, gifts, and quality time with his dad. We even had some lovely surprises, like a new book from his best friend and a thoughtful card and gifts from his birth mom.
I’m not completely ruling out birthday parties in the future. We’re taking it year by year and child by child. I’ve considered hosting parties every other year or only for milestone ages, like 13 and 16. But just when I think I’ve found a rhythm, life throws a curveball. That’s just how it goes with four kids, each with their own preferences.
There’s no definitive right or wrong when it comes to celebrating birthdays. Alternative celebrations can be just as fulfilling! What matters is finding what works best for your family at that moment. We should let go of guilt and obligations, focusing instead on crafting a celebration that honors the wonderful child turning another year older.
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In summary, we decided against a birthday party this year, choosing instead to create memorable moments through smaller celebrations. Each child is unique, and we’re learning to adapt our approach to fit their individual needs. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to birthdays, and that’s perfectly okay.
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