My initial pregnancy journey came unexpectedly. My partner and I had spent 18 months trying to conceive, only to receive disheartening news about his low sperm count, which left us with the prospect of IVF as our only option. So, when I discovered I was pregnant just weeks later, we were caught completely off guard.
Due to my superstitions, I hadn’t chosen a healthcare provider for my prenatal care beforehand. However, upon receiving that positive test, I was eager to secure medical assistance immediately. Without much deliberation, I scheduled the earliest appointment with an OB-GYN who could see me.
Arriving at her upscale Manhattan office for my first visit, I remember lying on the exam table, chatting away, when suddenly I felt something cold and intrusive. It was a transvaginal ultrasound wand, but the doctor hadn’t bothered to explain what was happening. In retrospect, that should have been my first indication that this practitioner wasn’t right for me. Yet, seeing the heartbeat of my tiny fetus on the monitor made me temporarily forget the discomfort.
When my next appointment arrived, I was eight weeks pregnant. Though I still wasn’t particularly fond of this doctor, my main objective was to ensure everything was progressing normally. This time, I was prepared for the ultrasound wand, and once again, I felt relief seeing my baby’s heartbeat.
However, after the procedure, I was unprepared for the conversation that followed. “You’ve gained four pounds in two weeks,” the doctor stated casually as I began to dress.
“Uh-huh,” I replied, feeling quite content that it was only four pounds given my nausea and limited diet of toast and rice.
“You really shouldn’t gain that much weight at this stage,” she remarked, leaving the room and instructing me to join her in her office.
Once she was gone, I turned to my partner, bewildered and irritated. “Did you hear what she just said?” I exclaimed. He was empathetic but suggested I might be overreacting. “She didn’t say you gained too much—just that you shouldn’t gain weight.”
“Right,” I said, feeling the urge to retaliate.
Back in her office, after discussing my stats and what to expect in the upcoming weeks, she brought up my weight again, clearly fixated on it. Without inquiring about my eating habits or how I felt, she warned me that pregnancy wasn’t a license to indulge in junk food, implying that continued weight gain could lead to complications.
At this point, my partner recognized the gravity of the situation. He interjected, “But she’s hardly eating! She’s not overeating or indulging in junk food; she’s barely eating at all. This is just how her body is responding!”
The OB-GYN, however, seemed uninterested in engaging further with us, ushering us out as if dismissing our concerns.
Once we left, we quickly agreed that we wouldn’t be returning to her. The weight comment was absurd; four pounds can fluctuate significantly and isn’t even a notable gain. I was retaining water to the point that I felt uncomfortable. We both felt that her condescending tone was just as troubling as her message about weight gain.
It was empowering to know we could move on and find a provider who would treat me with the respect I deserved. We took our time in searching for a healthcare professional who would listen and would avoid shaming me about my body, unless there was a legitimate medical reason to do so.
Fortunately, we found a team of compassionate midwives who attended both of our births. They were respectful and kind regarding body image and weight-related issues.
Reflecting on my experience with this purportedly esteemed upper Manhattan doctor still frustrates me today. Even though I recognized her comments were unfounded and hurtful, they resonated deeply, triggering memories of past insecurities about my body.
Pregnancy, like many phases in a woman’s life, is a sensitive time that can exacerbate body image issues or mental health challenges. It’s essential to understand that no one should shame a woman about her body during pregnancy or any other time.
Words carry weight, and compassion is crucial. The best approach when discussing pregnancy and weight gain is often to simply remain silent.
For further insights, you can check out this excellent resource on IVF processes here. Additionally, if you’re interested in exploring home insemination options, visit this link for more information. And for those looking into fertility journeys, Make a Mom offers valuable guidance.
In summary, my experience with a dismissive OB-GYN taught me the importance of finding a supportive healthcare provider during pregnancy. It’s vital to advocate for oneself, especially during such a vulnerable time, and to seek out professionals who prioritize respect and understanding over judgment.
Leave a Reply