For many parents, the journey of potty training can feel overwhelming. The task of teaching your child not just how to use the toilet, but to actually feel comfortable doing so, can bring on a wave of stress. And it turns out, our children can sense that anxiety too. However, there are strategies to make the process of potty learning much smoother, primarily through a shift in perspective.
Take my experience, for instance. My son wasn’t fully potty trained until just before his fourth birthday. The buildup to that moment was filled with pressure, and I could tell it affected him as well. Eventually, I decided to step back and allow him the time he needed to feel ready. This approach turned out to be the key to a much more relaxed and successful transition.
Child development expert, Mia Henderson, suggests that instead of “training” our kids, parents should focus on supporting them through the toilet learning journey. She raises an important question: “Why add potty training to our already extensive list of parenting duties when a more relaxed approach can yield better results?” This is a fantastic point. If potty training is causing significant stress, why not seek out ways to simplify it? Sure, there are situations—like preschool enrollment—that necessitate potty readiness, but it’s essential to create an environment where children feel like active participants in their learning.
Henderson highlights that toddlers are naturally defiant; after all, your two-year-old’s favorite pastime is testing your patience. If they resist everything from naptime to meals, why would potty training be any different? When we push too hard, we’re likely to see resistance.
That’s why thinking of this as “toilet learning” is so beneficial. Kids are simply discovering how to be attuned to their bodies to make the act of relieving themselves more natural. They already possess the basic skills; we’re just introducing them to a new environment. For some little ones, a smaller potty is more inviting. While parents might cringe at the thought of cleaning them, it’s important to keep the focus on the child’s comfort.
If your child prefers the big toilet, that’s great too! Certain items can really facilitate their success. A child-sized seat is crucial, and having a stool for their feet can make a significant difference. For my son, having the right setup allowed him to feel secure and helped with the mechanics of using the toilet. His feet being flat and knees elevated made all the difference.
Modeling behavior is another effective tool for teaching potty skills. Kids observe us closely, so why not use bathroom visits as teaching moments? Phrases like, “I feel like I need to go” can help them understand the importance of listening to their bodies. Children are already perceptive about their needs; they simply need guidance on how to act on those instincts.
Many parents choose to let their children go without bottoms to encourage them to recognize their own signals. However, if your child prefers to wear something, give them options like underwear or a diaper without any shame for accidents. They’re still figuring out their cues.
Another great tip from Henderson is to pay attention to each child’s unique “tell” that indicates they need to use the bathroom. By observing and responding to those signs, you can provide gentle encouragement. For instance, saying, “It seems like you need to go; would you like to try?” can be beneficial. It’s also important to know when to respect their decision to wait—forcing them can create anxiety.
The emotional aspect of potty learning can be the most challenging for kids. Trying something new can be intimidating, even if they are physically able. Toddlers often lack opportunities for independence, so giving them space to navigate this process is crucial. When they learn to trust themselves, confidence grows, leading to fewer accidents.
“There is no stronger affirmation for toddlers than ‘I can do it myself,’” notes Henderson. It can be difficult to step back during this phase of learning, but with a bit of patience and trust in the process, you might be surprised by how smoothly it goes.
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In summary, potty learning should be a supportive and relaxed experience, not a stressful training regimen. By observing your child’s cues and providing a safe and encouraging environment, you can help them navigate this important milestone with confidence.
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