For the first time in two months, my partner, Jake, finally had a full day off from work. We dove into playing endless rounds of Candy Land with the kids, tackled some much-needed cleaning around the house, and he grilled up some delicious steaks. After that, we nestled into fresh sheets and enjoyed a classic movie together. It was truly a delightful day.
Yet, as the evening progressed, I couldn’t shake the growing restlessness within me. The anticipation of the following day weighed heavily on my chest, bringing a wave of anxiety that felt almost suffocating. Lying there, hand in hand with Jake, I found myself resenting the impending solitude of tomorrow. Yes, I would be surrounded by our four children, but I still felt isolated and overwhelmed, far from the “fun mom” I aspire to be. Tomorrow would mirror my yesterday and the day before that. I already missed him, and he hadn’t even left yet.
While I often take on the role of the sole parent at home, I don’t consider myself a single parent. I appreciate Jake’s contributions as our primary financial provider. However, being a stay-at-home mom with a partner who works seven days a week isn’t always the dream scenario it’s cracked up to be.
I also contribute to our family’s income, albeit from home. I find myself working late into the night, drained, as I juggle the responsibilities of motherhood along with a slew of other demanding tasks. The stress of dirty dishes, laundry, homeschooling, and an incessant cycle of sickness looms over me, not to mention the countless other “mom tasks” that have become the invisible norm.
I value the work I do, especially since I have the privilege of doing it alongside my kids. However, with Jake being the breadwinner, sometimes it feels like I’m the one who gets sidelined. It’s easy for outsiders to judge the dynamics of our relationship, but when your partner works nonstop, it’s tough not to feel guilty for complaining about it.
For the first time in our adult lives, we are achieving financial stability. We’re no longer living paycheck to paycheck. We even have a comma in our bank account! We’re finally able to look ahead in ways we’ve never experienced before, which is why we both make sacrifices. Given that Jake’s shifts are helping us reach our financial goals, I hesitate to ask him to take time off. He’s working tirelessly to support us, and I see that. So, when he’s home, I often refrain from asking him to help with chores, not just because he’s exhausted (believe me, I am too), but because I value the quality time we can spend together.
At the same time, I need to remind myself of my own worth. In focusing on Jake’s needs, I sometimes forget about my own. This isn’t a competition over who does more; we both work hard, and we’re finally starting to see the rewards.
Unlike Jake, or even many fathers, I handle tasks that often go unnoticed until they’re neglected. I carry the mental load of our household. If I don’t initiate tasks, they often don’t get done. If they do, it’s usually because I’ve had to ask. This can mean putting laundry in the wash at 11 p.m. or ensuring our kids see their doctors on time. It’s the little things that fill the gaps in our busy lives.
While Jake can leave work and unwind, home is my workplace. After the kids are tucked in, his relaxation begins—my work, however, is just getting started. I don’t have set hours, and I can wear yesterday’s sweatpants while my “co-workers” demand dinner on colorful plates, immediately! Not to mention, my shirt is often a canvas of stains from wiping little faces.
Still, I work just as hard as my partner does, seven days a week, and my needs are just as important.
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In summary, while I cherish the time I have with Jake and our kids, the reality of balancing work and family life can be exhausting. It’s crucial to recognize and honor both partners’ contributions, even when one is physically absent. After all, we’re both working hard in our own ways—even if it looks different.
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