Updated: July 2, 2020
Originally Published: Feb. 27, 2020
When I resolved to stop drinking two years ago, it felt like a monumental shift in my life. I had always been the type to play it safe, striving to be smaller, more appealing, and easier to digest for those around me. I habitually said yes, had no boundaries, and sidestepped conflict, even struggling to voice my own preferences at dinner. But here I was, facing the world with a bold declaration that set me apart from nearly everyone I knew.
Belonging to the majority often clouds your perspective on how others perceive your actions. In my drinking days, I thought nothing of beer kegs at children’s birthday parties or wine tastings organized by the PTO. It all felt like normalcy. Yet, once I stepped outside of that culture, I noticed how deeply ingrained alcohol was in everyday events—from celebratory drinks at the finish line of a 5K to cocktails at baby showers. My choice to reject this norm felt like a revolutionary act.
On the surface, sobriety appears to be simply about abstaining from alcohol. However, I soon discovered that this journey was far more intricate than I had anticipated. I initially believed that choosing not to drink was the pinnacle of my transformation. Gradually, I realized that my most compelling experiences began to unfold the moment I set down the bottle.
Addiction, for me, occupied a significant amount of mental space. Even when I wasn’t drinking, I often found myself engaging in other numbing behaviors—binge shopping, obsessively exercising, or keeping myself overly busy. Removing alcohol felt like a storm clearing, revealing a brilliant blue sky that I had never truly appreciated before.
This newfound clarity catalyzed some profound life changes, most of which had little to do with simply not drinking. I began to cherish my own company, seeking out quiet moments to truly connect with myself. This wasn’t the frenetic solitude filled with distractions and noise; it was a peaceful space that allowed me to hear my own voice amid the chaos of life.
In this tranquility, I learned to respect my own needs and articulate them to those around me. I became more attuned to my instincts when making decisions, relying less on external opinions and more on the wisdom that lay within me. The longer I embraced sobriety, the more selective I became about my relationships, nurturing the ones that uplifted me and letting go of those that drained my energy. I finally learned to love myself unconditionally, which naturally led me to disengage from toxic dynamics.
This journey of self-love also prompted me to heal my relationship with my body. After years of battling self-criticism, I recognized how exhausting that fight had become. My choices around food and exercise shifted from a place of shame to one of compassion. In a surprising twist, this emotional healing translated into physical wellness—I was able to eliminate prescription medications and address long-standing health issues. Not dealing with hangovers on weekends certainly helped, too.
For so long, I had been preoccupied with my own struggles. With newfound space and perspective, I began to look outward, recognizing the broader issues affecting marginalized communities. I started to educate myself about the experiences of people of color and LGBTQIA individuals, aiming to become a better ally and raising my children to do the same. I also began to reconsider my environmental impact, realizing that I needed to be a more responsible steward of our planet. In the past year, I’ve made significant changes to my diet and consumption habits, striving to contribute positively to the earth.
I never anticipated these transformations; I thought my only change would be abstaining from wine. Yet, as issues arose that called for my attention, it felt as natural as breathing. I simply needed to remain open to what came next, allowing new growth to emerge in my consciousness. I direct my focus there, trusting the journey, even when it becomes uncomfortable. I eagerly await the next chapter of my story.
Perhaps the most radical realization is that I never want this journey of self-discovery to end. What I once viewed as an arduous necessity has become the very essence of living. This ongoing evolution is what allows me to become my most authentic self—the self that’s always been there, now bolder, kinder, and equipped with healthier boundaries.
Today, my sobriety is the most fascinating aspect of my life, but not in the way I expected. It’s not just about navigating a world steeped in alcohol; it’s about how this journey continues to shape and refine me. In just two short years, I’ve undergone a complete transformation, dismantling old beliefs and reconstructing new narratives. I am simultaneously stronger and gentler, fiercer yet more compassionate. And yes, I no longer drink alcohol.
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In summary, my journey toward sobriety has revealed that the path to self-discovery is full of unexpected twists and turns. Embracing this change has allowed me to foster deeper connections, prioritize my well-being, and expand my awareness of the world around me.
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