“You haven’t seemed yourself lately. I’m really concerned about you.” My friend’s voice echoed through the speakerphone as I listened to her message. Standing in my kitchen, I found myself staring at a pile of unopened mail, so overwhelming that I had shoved it into a drawer days before.
In the past, I would tackle the mail the moment it arrived. But lately, it felt like an insurmountable burden, just like everything else in my life. I had never received such a call from anyone before. I’ve generally been a cheerful person, but for the past few months, my mood had been fluctuating to alarming lows without any clear cause. It frightened me.
I thought I was masking it well. I had kept silent about the unsettling thoughts that crept in during my morning jog when a car swerved too close, and I found myself thinking, “What does it matter if something happens to me?”
The old me would have reacted with a racing heart, angry at the driver for encroaching on my space. I would have expressed my feelings, protecting myself fiercely. But that version of me seemed to have vanished, replaced by a state of anxiety and emotional numbness.
My appetite had disappeared, and I found myself forcing myself to engage in activities I once cherished, only to feel no joy. My children noticed the change in me, too.
That was a year ago. Initially, I blamed the dreary winter and the relentless rain of spring. I would linger in the shower, dreading the simple task of getting dressed or dropping my kids off at school.
Then, the clouds would part, and I’d feel like my old self again — someone who delighted in being active, sharing laughter, and even holding cookie-eating contests with my kids. However, these mood swings left me feeling lost and powerless. Whenever I felt good, I rushed to fit everything in, fearing the shadows would return and drain all my emotions, leaving me so paralyzed that even the mail pile felt like too much to handle.
I confided in a few friends around my age, and they revealed they felt similarly confused, grappling with inexplicable emotional shifts. We were all in the perimenopausal stage of life. Most of us were satisfied with our relationships, careers, and life in general, yet we were baffled by the sudden changes in our mental health, likely due to the lack of information on this topic.
Jennifer Lee, the head of the Women’s Mood Disorders Center at Johns Hopkins University, shed light on this in an article for NPR. She emphasized the importance of recognizing severe depression and the need for treatment: “If you’re experiencing significant depression that affects your daily functioning, or if you’re having suicidal thoughts, that’s a critical issue that requires intervention.”
Women with a history of anxiety or depression, including postpartum depression, are particularly vulnerable during perimenopause, as hormonal fluctuations can significantly impact our moods. While I had never considered myself depressed, I had always managed my anxiety effectively, often using it as fuel to get things done. But now, everything felt different.
It was as if I had perpetual PMS — cranky, hungry, anxious, and prone to tears over mundane tasks. If you were nearby, you might have heard me grumble about the sound of someone eating too loudly.
NPR reports that a significant number of women experience depressive symptoms during this phase: around 18% of women in early perimenopause and 38% in late perimenopause. Anxiety symptoms, including panic attacks, are also prevalent during this transitional period.
Lee mentions that hormones aren’t the sole culprits; many women are also navigating substantial life changes, from children leaving home to contemplating divorce or reassessing their careers. Unfortunately, many healthcare providers are not well-versed in this issue, which can leave women feeling unsupported. The best course of action is to communicate openly with your healthcare professional and consider that antidepressants may provide relief.
It’s crucial for women experiencing perimenopause to pay close attention to their symptoms and discuss their feelings openly. Talk therapy has proven beneficial for many.
In summary, navigating this phase is undoubtedly challenging, but if you find your mood swings overwhelming, don’t hesitate to seek help to reclaim your well-being. Consult with your healthcare provider and don’t shy away from being assertive about your needs. Though research on this subject may be limited, your voice can contribute to change.
As for me, I’ve embarked on my journey to wellness. I’ve started therapy, taken Vitamin D supplements, and understood the importance of fresh air and exercise for my mental health. I’ve learned to step back when tasks become overwhelming, no matter how trivial they may seem.
Initially, I would chastise myself for not being the same person I used to be. Now, I allow myself the grace to take a step back and conserve my energy for more positive moments.
The reality is, I am not who I was before. Women evolve continuously throughout life, and suffering is unnecessary. If you are struggling, remember there is help available; don’t put off seeking it any longer.
After all, if you broke your arm, you wouldn’t just wait for it to heal on its own, would you?
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For those grappling with depression, the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance offers valuable resources.
For more insights, check out this article on home insemination and explore couples’ fertility journeys for more support. Additionally, Healthline is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
Perimenopause can trigger significant emotional changes, including anxiety and depression. Many women experience these shifts, often feeling lost and overwhelmed. It’s crucial to recognize these symptoms and seek help if needed. Open communication with healthcare providers is vital, as is considering therapy or medication. Embrace the reality that change is part of life, and don’t hesitate to seek support.
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