Updated: March 6, 2020
Originally Published: March 6, 2020
“Mom, I’m not black or white; I’m just mixed up!” my son announces as we stroll down the street. I pause, feeling the weight of this moment. Now that he’s starting to grasp the concept of being mixed race, I’ve been doing my best to help him understand his heritage. He notices my brown skin and his dad’s “peach” complexion (his description), but the deeper meaning behind these differences is still elusive to him. I explain that I’m black and his dad is white, making him both. However, articulating what it truly means to be mixed race is the challenge.
Despite the growing prevalence of mixed-race individuals today compared to 50 or 60 years ago, finding relatable examples for children remains a struggle. There is no single narrative that defines being biracial. When searching for materials that resonate with my son’s experience, I often come up short.
The Challenge of Representation
One significant hurdle in discussing mixed race identity is the cultural narrative that typically showcases a black father and a white mother. In the media—be it television, movies, or literature—the default representation in biracial stories often features the white mom. As a result, children with mothers of color find it difficult to see their own experiences reflected back at them. While these representations do exist, they require a bit of digging.
When my son turns on the TV, he rarely sees characters that reflect our family dynamic—a black mother and a white father. The representation of mixed-race characters is still quite rare. Although there’s a show called mixed-ish, which is a clever offshoot of black-ish, it targets an adult audience and is set in the 1980s, a time far removed from his experiences as a six-year-old.
I wish there were more media options that validate the experiences of mixed-race children. They need to see themselves in the stories they consume, and when that representation is lacking, it complicates their understanding of identity. A quick search on Amazon yields a few books on the topic, but they are not always easy to find.
Finding Role Models
To help him feel less isolated, I point to celebrities he admires who share his mixed background. For instance, I mention Trevor Noah, his favorite comedian, which lights up his face. “He is?!” he exclaims, eyes wide with excitement. I explain that, like him, Trevor has a black mom and a white dad. The discussion then shifts to the historic Loving v. Virginia case, which overturned laws against interracial marriage. This context is crucial; I want my son to know his existence is part of a larger narrative, not just confined to our family.
The Complexity of Identity
Being mixed race in the United States, particularly with a black and white background, is layered with complexity. It’s challenging enough to explain segregation to a kindergartner, let alone the historical tensions between these two racial identities. When I convey that there are still individuals who may judge me based on my skin color, he struggles to comprehend it. I also have to be honest about the possibility that others may not accept him because of our family’s makeup. It’s tough to preach that skin color shouldn’t matter when, for many, it still does.
Mixed-race children, especially young ones, face unique challenges. They recognize that they stand out among peers, which is a natural stage of childhood development. However, realizing they differ from their own family adds another layer of complexity. My son has seen pictures of my pregnancy and is aware that he was nurtured in my body. He notices his lighter skin and asks how that can be if I have brown skin. I reassure him that mixed individuals come in various shades, and regardless of how he looks, he will always be my beloved son.
Creating a Safe Space for Questions
Navigating the intersections of different cultures can be a lot for young kids to handle. They may feel like they don’t quite fit anywhere, as my son so aptly puts it—“mixed up.” As a parent, my role is to create a space where he can ask questions. Engaging in these conversations, even without all the answers, is vital. Our children rely on us to help them understand their place in the world.
Conclusion
In summarizing this journey, it’s clear that discussing mixed race identity with my son is an ongoing process filled with challenges, but it’s essential for his growth and understanding. For more insights on parenting and identity, check out another one of our blog posts here.
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