I decided on co-sleeping before I became a parent. At the tender age of nine, I made a promise to myself that when I had children, they would sleep close to me for as long as they needed. This decision came during a challenging time when my parents divorced, and my sister and I were alternating between our mom’s and dad’s homes. My younger sister, just four at the time, struggled with the transition, especially at night. I remember those late nights where I soothed her, often climbing into her narrow bed until she drifted off to sleep.
This experience taught me early on that children crave closeness, both during the day and at night. I vowed that I would never deny my future kids that comfort. When my first child arrived, co-sleeping felt instinctive. We adhered to all the safety guidelines for bed-sharing, and it was the only way to ensure we all got some sleep. My little one needed that physical connection, and I couldn’t fathom denying him that need.
As he grew, we continued the co-sleeping arrangement. When I was pregnant with his brother, we transitioned him to a bed right next to ours, and that setup lasted for years. While I do encourage my kids to explore sleeping independently in their own rooms, they often return to us. They express sentiments like, “I just feel safer and more comfortable near you at night.” I see no reason to deny them that small comfort.
Both of my children are independent in other aspects of life. They socialize easily and display kindness and self-regulation. But when it comes to nighttime, they still seek their parents. Honestly, I don’t enjoy sleeping alone either, so why should they?
Of course, sharing a bed with kids can be tricky. There are nights when a child’s kick to my head is less than pleasant, and we’ve had to discuss the importance of respecting personal space during sleep. I view these moments as valuable learning experiences for them.
The question of privacy, especially regarding intimacy, is simple to navigate. With multiple rooms in the house, it’s easy to find time for a romantic moment after the kids are asleep or during their naptime.
I always believed that co-sleeping would naturally fade as my kids transitioned into their teenage years. I recall reading a quote from anthropologist Dr. James J. McKenna, who noted that in Japan, many children co-sleep with their parents until adolescence. He describes this familial closeness as a river, where parents are the banks and the child is the water flowing between them.
Now, having a teenager, I’ve noticed that this is indeed the age where things shift. My son, now in his own room, made the transition effortlessly. He knows he’s welcome back into our space whenever he desires.
It’s crucial to recognize that this arrangement isn’t suitable for everyone. Many parents genuinely require their personal space to sleep well. However, I believe that having older kids occasionally sleep in your room is more common than many realize. It’s often a taboo topic, but I want to assure you there’s nothing wrong with it. Children ultimately thrive, and fostering comfort from parents teaches them that their needs are heard and respected.
Co-sleeping doesn’t last forever. Each child grows at their own pace, and as parents, we can provide the support they need along the way. For more on parenting and family dynamics, check out this insightful post on the subject.
In conclusion, co-sleeping is a practice that transcends age in our family. It offers comfort and connection, reinforcing the bond we share, while also allowing our children the freedom to grow.
Leave a Reply