So far, my partner and I have embarked on our fertility journey for just over a month. In this brief time, I’ve endured countless tests: blood draws, a dye injection into my uterus, x-rays, and even a booster shot of a surprisingly painful vaccine due to waning immunity. I’ve invested hundreds of dollars in ovulation predictor kits to track my cycle over the past six months, all while meticulously documenting every detail. We were required to meet with a psychologist for an “intended parent evaluation,” which we had to pay for out of pocket since it wasn’t covered by our insurance. Remarkably, we haven’t even attempted insemination yet, and our out-of-pocket expenses are nearing $5,000.
You might be shocked to learn that we actually have insurance, and ours is better than what many others have. It’s astounding to think that we’ve spent so much on a baby we desperately want, and we haven’t even taken the first step toward conception.
Today, I learned that $3,500 of our $5,000 bill was denied by our insurance provider, despite our supposedly robust infertility benefits. I was informed that we must demonstrate a year of unsuccessful attempts to conceive before we can tap into those benefits. This baseline requirement applies to all women under 35, regardless of their sexual orientation. Essentially, we need to endure either a year of unsuccessful heterosexual intercourse or 12 failed donor IUI attempts to be eligible.
Infertility is an emotionally taxing experience. The desire for a child paired with the heartache of trying to conceive is nothing short of devastating. A year of unsuccessful attempts at heterosexual intercourse can be exasperating—and while it may generally be free for most couples, the financial burden of infertility treatments for my partner and me could easily reach $40,000. To access the benefits my partner works hard to maintain, we would have to risk financially crippling ourselves.
I’ve been in tears all day. For the past decade, I have worked as a nanny, pouring my heart into caring for other people’s children. I’ve cherished every moment spent nurturing these little ones, forming bonds with them and their families. However, after ten years of this fulfilling work, my heart aches for my own child.
It’s almost darkly humorous, in a way. Here I am, 29 years old, healthy, married, financially stable, and eager to welcome a child into our lives, yet we’re being forced into potential debt. We’re held to the same standards as heterosexual couples, despite the glaring differences in our situations. Most heterosexual couples have easy access to sperm, while we face thousands of dollars in costs at a cryobank.
We were determined to do everything “by the book.” After thorough research, we connected with a reputable doctor and have been diligently taking prenatal vitamins for six months. We found a well-respected cryobank, which charges between $800 to $1,100 per vial, and planned to utilize our HSA to cover some expenses. We also considered a known donor, but that path would still leave us facing hefty legal fees and medical testing costs to satisfy FDA regulations. We did all of this believing our excellent fertility coverage would help, only to find ourselves in a daunting situation.
I am not okay. I feel angry and heartbroken. It is discriminatory for insurance companies to impose the same requirements on same-sex couples as they do on heterosexual couples. Our circumstances are fundamentally different; applying identical rules is simply inequitable. Offering services under the pretense of inclusivity while knowing the financial burden is disproportionately heavy on same-sex couples is disheartening.
Our system is flawed, and I am struggling to cope with it.
For more insights on home insemination and family planning options, check out this article, as well as this resource for invaluable information on pregnancy and home insemination. For those looking for an at-home insemination solution, Make a Mom is a great authority on the topic.
In summary, the financial and emotional challenges faced by LGBTQ couples in their quest for parenthood are significant. Discriminatory insurance policies only add to the burden, making it harder for couples to realize their dreams of starting a family.
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