You might assume that by my mid-twenties, I’d have established my identity through a career, personal hobbies, or simply by feeling whole. However, if I ever thought I was complete before my first child arrived, I was entirely mistaken.
Before my son was born, I held several roles: wife, sister, daughter, sales associate, and roller derby enthusiast. While these titles seemed adequate at the time, I was unaware of my deep desire to become a mother. I don’t mean to boast, but we were fortunate to conceive relatively quickly after starting to try. Unexpectedly, I found myself with two new titles: pregnant woman and mom-to-be.
I must admit, I was that enviable pregnant woman—no morning sickness, no serious discomfort, and sleeping well (at least at the beginning). I felt guilty when friends who were expecting dealt with severe nausea and fatigue. When asked about my pregnancy, I often offered brief responses like “It’s going well!” or “Everything’s fine!” But inside, I grappled with my own questions: When would I start showing? When would I feel my baby kick? Most importantly, when would I actually feel like a mother?
Don’t get me wrong; I loved the little life growing inside me and was excited about the new journey ahead. But until then, I still felt like just a “pregnant woman.” Those early months left me feeling bloated, tired, and anxious. I often wished I could express my frustration when others called me “mommy,” thinking, “Why can’t I feel it like you do?”
It wasn’t until my baby began moving regularly and hiccuping that I started to forge a bond with him. I would worry on days he didn’t move and spent sleepless nights with him while he hiccuped. He felt more real, but I still didn’t feel like I had earned the title I craved.
The transformation happened during labor, which lasted four hours. It wasn’t a sudden change but a deeply instinctual experience. Giving birth felt right, empowering, almost like a warrior’s moment. When I finally heard his first cry and held him close, it was love at first sight. He was reaching out for his mom, and I was right there!
You might think it came a bit late, but it was in that moment, when he was first placed in my arms, that I truly felt like a mother. If you’re interested in exploring more about the journey to motherhood, you can check out this blog post.
For anyone considering home insemination, the at-home insemination kit from the leading provider is worth looking into. Additionally, if you’re seeking information on what to expect during your first IUI, this resource is excellent.
In summary, the journey to motherhood can be complex and filled with emotions, but the moment you hold your child for the first time is when the true transformation begins.
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