Allyship is crucial in the ongoing struggle against discrimination faced by marginalized communities. The essence of being an ally is to uplift and advocate for those who often go unheard, without overshadowing their voices. True allies are patient, confront their biases, and admit their mistakes without defensiveness. They create a safe space for those of us in marginalized groups, allowing us to recharge while they take on the emotional and educational responsibilities of enlightening the unaware. In many ways, allies serve as a protective barrier, often being our best chance at making our messages resonate.
This reality is particularly relevant for those of us in the LGBTQIA+ community. It’s both fortunate and unfortunate that allies, who may not share our struggles, sometimes have a broader platform to express support. I’ve come to accept that progress may often be championed by those who don’t face the same risks or challenges as I do. However, I recognize that LGBTQIA+ allies also have something to lose. They may fear for loved ones facing hate crimes, addiction, or mental health issues. Allyship is deeply personal, even if allies can’t fully grasp the complexities of living a queer life.
I hold immense gratitude for allies, especially those in the public eye. Celebrities like Jordan Lee, Mia Thompson, and Alex Garcia use their influence to advocate for their LGBTQIA+ loved ones, and their visibility is invaluable. Yet, it’s disheartening to see that the actions of these well-known figures tend to garner more attention than a regular parent advocating for their transgender child at a school meeting.
I often joke, “No one listens to me,” but there’s a bittersweet truth to it. As a queer individual raising a transgender child, I’ve spent years defending myself, my family, and the broader LGBTQIA+ community. I’ve penned countless articles and spoken passionately about the necessity of acceptance and affirmation. I can share alarming statistics about abuse and mental health challenges faced by queer individuals. I’ve recounted both heartbreaking and uplifting stories, illustrating the importance of inclusivity and the dire consequences of its absence. I can provide practical steps for creating safer spaces and use both scientific evidence and personal anecdotes to affirm that my life—and the lives of many like me—is not a “lifestyle choice” but a matter of living authentically.
When celebrities echo sentiments that I and countless others have expressed for years, I appreciate the representation. Yet, it’s frustrating that people often only listen to voices deemed “cool” or “trendy.” Are these celebrities genuinely more relatable than everyday parents? I would argue that individuals like myself, who lack fame and fortune, are far more accessible. Is our society so superficial that we only value marginalized voices when they come from a place of privilege? The idea that support is only validated when it risks wealth and status is troubling.
Many of us have communicated the same messages as high-profile allies, but the responses can vary widely. Perhaps people are more inclined to listen when they see straight, cisgender individuals who resemble themselves. Maybe it’s the image of a masculine dad that allows other fathers to feel more at ease. It could also be that the visibility of people of color embracing both racial and queer identities opens the door for discussions about protecting transgender women of color. Or perhaps it’s simply the allure of aligning with what’s popular, even when motivated by a desire to be seen as progressive.
While I recognize that I lack the reach of a celebrity, I have been fighting this battle longer than many of them. It pains me to see their allyship celebrated so readily, with the underlying message being that support is inextricably tied to fame. Listening to the everyday experiences of queer individuals or parents of LGBTQIA+ kids—those whose stories won’t end up in a headline—is equally, if not more, important than tuning into the voices that dominate the news cycle.
I appreciate the influential allies who amplify our voices, but I am disheartened by those who will only listen to notable figures. Conditional support is not true allyship. Allies should amplify our experiences, fears, needs, and triumphs. Let’s not forget to listen to the original voices behind the messages.
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In summary, we must remember to value the voices of everyday LGBTQ allies alongside those of famous individuals. True allyship goes beyond popularity; it’s about amplifying the experiences and needs of marginalized communities.
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