Last week, my son stumbled upon a Gideon bible while we were waiting at the doctor’s office. Though he’s not quite four and can’t read yet, he mistook it for the storybook from his beloved Winnie the Pooh movie.
Since we were alone in the waiting area, I allowed him to explore. He wandered around with that book, conjuring up delightful tales about Christopher Robin and his friends while mimicking their iconic phrases. He switched between voices, saying things like, “Oh, bother” and “Oh, d-d-d-dear,” just like Pooh and Piglet.
It was a heartwarming scene, and he was thoroughly engaged. However, when the nurse called my name, he quickly became distressed, fearing I would make him return the book. Instead of asking to take it with him, he sat down and exclaimed, “My book! My book!” Tears streamed down his face when I knelt beside him and reassured him, “It’s okay. You can bring the book.” Instantly, he calmed down; that was all he needed.
My little one is autistic. He communicates differently than most, and while he is making progress, it takes him some time to express his thoughts. In that moment, he felt the pressure of time slipping away in a situation he couldn’t control.
Unfortunately, the nurse then turned to him and said, “You’re lucky she lets you act like that. My kids would’ve gotten whooped.”
Excuse me? Did she just imply that my child was fortunate I don’t hit him? Right in front of me?
Miraculously, I managed to keep my tone even and replied, “He doesn’t understand what that means. We don’t hit our kids.” That ended the conversation, but I had a lot more to say.
Let’s Dive In
First and foremost: Stop hitting your children. Spanking is a form of hitting, and it’s unacceptable. In 2020, we have access to a wealth of information from experts and other parents. There are countless resources available that can guide you toward more effective disciplinary methods. It may take some effort, but it’s worth it.
Now, let’s address the usual arguments. Yes, spanking is hitting. No, choosing not to hit doesn’t mean you abandon discipline altogether. Children who aren’t spanked don’t grow up to be unruly or entitled. You can maintain order without resorting to physical punishment. Give it a try.
But even if I did believe in spanking, was this really a behavior that warranted it? I certainly hope not. My child was simply expressing emotions that are entirely normal for his age. Preschoolers often experience feelings that far exceed their ability to manage them. As adults, our role is to meet them with patience and understanding. They aren’t “bad”—they’re just young.
What could a “whooping” have taught him? At best, it would have imparted no lesson at all. At worst, it would have shattered his trust in me during his struggles. I refuse to break his spirit like that.
Spanking won’t alter my son’s autism, nor will it magically make him more mature. My responsibility as his mother is to guide him through challenging situations with compassion, not to ensure he never causes a moment of discomfort for others.
I’m not concerned about how strangers perceive my parenting. What truly matters is how my choices shape my son’s childhood. These formative years are critical in defining who he will become. Go ahead and judge me for not resorting to physical punishment. But know that I’m judging you right back for thinking it’s acceptable to hurt my child instead of allowing him to express a natural reaction to a situation.
Walker ended up bringing the book with him and “reading” it while I conversed with the doctor. He left it in the exam room without shedding a tear because I explained it wasn’t ours. He comprehended and respected that. Allowing him a few extra moments with the book didn’t make him feel entitled to keep it. I didn’t need to steal a Gideon bible that day to pacify a misbehaving child. That’s not how parenting works.
My child is autistic, and this influences my responses to him. However, regardless of whether children are neurotypical or neurodiverse, no child deserves to be spanked for simply feeling emotions. Feeling is part of being human, and it’s our role to support them through this learning process—not to damage their spirit with punitive measures.
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In summary, it’s crucial to approach parenting with patience and understanding, especially when dealing with children who have special needs. Hitting is never the solution, and we should strive to guide our children through their emotions rather than punish them for feeling.
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