My parents and extended family are about five hours away from me. When I relocated across the state 13 years ago, I never intended to stay, but life unfolded differently. A job opportunity came first, then a relationship that turned into marriage, followed by another job, and before I knew it, I had two wonderful children. It felt like life just settled in this location, and every reason to leave was outweighed by ten reasons to stay.
Fortunately, we manage to visit each other frequently, and my parents often come to see us as well. While FaceTime helps bridge the gap during those in-between moments, there are times when I deeply long for their presence. I remind myself that our relationship is stronger because of the distance, allowing me to appreciate every moment we share. I also take comfort in knowing that my family is happy here, and who knows if we would have the same quality of life back where I grew up? Yet, I can’t shake the nagging doubt about whether this was the right choice, especially as I consider the time I may be missing with my parents.
Today, that fear and guilt have consumed me in a way I’ve never experienced before. The distance feels daunting, and anxiety fills my days. I find myself spiraling into worry about the possibility of my parents contracting the coronavirus. The last few nights, I’ve lain awake, pondering how I would react if they fell ill and how quickly I could rush home.
With both of my parents turning 70 this year and each having health issues that place them at risk, I can’t help but be concerned. They are the very individuals the media warns us about as being “high-risk” for severe outcomes. Thankfully, they remain independent and live on their own, but my mind won’t quiet. I often imagine the various ways I could assist them, picturing all the tasks I’d tackle to ensure their well-being.
My partner reminds me that even if I were in my hometown, there would be little I could truly do. It’s probably best for my parents to remain undisturbed, keeping our germs to ourselves and allowing them to stay comfortable in their home—likely the safest place for them right now.
Yet, stories flood in about older individuals weeping in parking lots because they can’t muster the courage to shop for groceries or about nursing homes where long-married couples are separated, uncertain if they’ll ever reunite. I text my mom article after article on how to stay safe and prepare, and while she thanks me (with a hint of eye-rolling, I’m sure), I can’t help but delve deeper into the unsettling information about their vulnerabilities.
I know I’m not alone in this. Many others are grappling with the same intense fear for their parents. However, it feels particularly acute when I can’t physically be there with them. Like the couple in the nursing home, I dread that each call or FaceTime could be the last.
So, I strive to take it one day at a time. I recognize how fortunate I am to still have my parents and focus on cherishing today rather than worrying about tomorrow. I’ll continue to remind them how much they mean to me because even from five hours away, I can express my love and appreciation.
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In summary, the anxiety of being far from my elderly parents during a pandemic is overwhelming. I constantly grapple with fears about their health while trying to maintain a strong relationship from a distance. Though I can’t physically be with them, I strive to show my love and appreciation every day.
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