Welcome to Home Insemination Kit’s advice column, where our team tackles your burning questions about life, love, friendships, and everything else that might be weighing on your mind.
This week’s dilemma: How do you handle a best friend who constantly puts her own experiences above yours?
Dear Home Insemination Kit,
I have been best friends with Mia for what feels like forever. She’s my ride-or-die, but I’ve come to realize that she has a habit of being a one-upper. No matter what I share with her, she has to turn it back to herself. Recently, I was diagnosed with fibroid tumors, and when I expressed my relief at finally having an explanation for my chronic pain, she immediately chimed in to tell me about her own reproductive struggles from high school — which, apparently, were so severe that she ended up in the hospital. “At least you’re not going through anything that extreme,” she said.
Her interruptions don’t stop there. Whether it’s about my kids, my job, or even my home, she always has to make it about her own experiences — and they’re always more intense or more challenging. It’s exhausting! I genuinely care about her, but I feel like I’m clinging to our history more than anything else. Should I confront her about this behavior? I’m worried that she won’t understand why it’s a problem.
Wow, that sounds incredibly frustrating. It’s disappointing when a close friend fails to provide the support we crave. One-upping can stem from insecurity or a desire to connect, but it often results in feelings of invalidation. When you’re left feeling like you can’t express your own experiences without being overshadowed, it’s definitely not a sign of a healthy friendship.
Real friendships should be about mutual respect and understanding. Your moments of joy and challenges deserve to be acknowledged without comparison. It’s clear that Mia might lack the self-awareness to see how her behavior affects you, which is especially hurtful during tough times.
Given your long-standing friendship, it might be worth having a heart-to-heart conversation with her. Find a quiet moment — just the two of you, away from distractions like kids or partners. Let her know how much you value her, but explain that her constant need to one-up you makes it difficult for you to share your life openly. You could say something like, “I love you, but I feel frustrated when my experiences are sidelined by yours.”
Prepare for some defensiveness; she might not even realize she’s doing it. It’s possible she could be a chronic interrupter rather than intentionally competitive. If that’s the case, gently guiding her toward awareness might help mend things.
However, if it becomes clear that she is just naturally competitive, you might want to express how her behavior creates a sense of rivalry that undermines your friendship. Remember, you should never have to hold back in sharing your feelings with a friend.
Unfortunately, people often struggle with self-awareness, and if Mia doesn’t grasp the impact of her actions, you may need to reevaluate the friendship. Prioritize your own well-being; you deserve a support system that nourishes you, even if it means drawing boundaries with those who are not being supportive.
For more insights into navigating friendships, you can check out this informative post on one-upping. Also, for those exploring fertility topics, Medical News Today is an excellent resource.
In summary, while friendship is built on shared history, it should also support mutual growth and understanding. Addressing your concerns with Mia could lead to a healthier dynamic, but be prepared for various outcomes. Remember, you deserve friendships that uplift you.
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