87 Hilarious Cow Jokes, Puns, and Riddles That Are Udderly Amusing

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Whether you’re a child or an adult, there’s something timelessly funny about animal jokes and quirky facts. Animal puns, especially those involving cows, bring a smile to everyone’s face. They’re perfect for kids, make great dad jokes, and can turn the classic chicken-or-egg debate into a side-splitting discussion. So, let’s moo-ve into the world of cow humor!

Cows are fascinating creatures. Without them, we wouldn’t have milkshakes or ice cream, and just think about how different the world would be! Beyond their delicious contributions, these gentle giants have unique personalities, quirky colors, and an amusing habit of chewing their cud. It’s no wonder your child is drawn to them! You can nurture their love for these cud-chewing companions by sharing some laugh-out-loud cow jokes.

If your little one enjoys singing “Old McDonald” or “Baa-Baa Blacksheep,” they’re bound to enjoy these cow jokes, puns, and riddles — they’re truly udderly amusing. And if you’re on the lookout for more animal-related humor, check out our joke collections about horses, llamas, chickens, and more!

Here Are Some Moo-tastic Jokes:

1. Why was the cow feeling anxious? He was a cow-herd.
2. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose!
3. How did the cow determine his nobility? He was a Sir Loin.
4. Why did the cow leap over the moon? The farmer had cold hands.
5. What do you get when you blend a cow with a rooster? Roost beef!
6. What do you name a sleeping cow? A bull dozer.
7. What comes from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
8. Why did the Secret Service bring in a herd of cows? They wanted to beef up security.
9. What’s a cow’s go-to newspaper? The Daily Moos.
10. If a cow and a dog mate, what do you get? Hound beef.
11. What do you call an angry sheep paired with a moody cow? A baaaaaad mooooood.
12. What does a farmer discuss while milking a cow? Udder nonsense.
13. What did the mother cow tell her calf? “It’s pasture bedtime.”
14. What did the cow tell her therapist? “I feel seen but not herd.”
15. What did the cow proclaim to her friends? “I am legen-dairy!”
16. What did the aunt cow say to her niece? “You’re so udderly cute!”
17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cow says. Cow says who? No silly! Cow says MOOOOOOOO!
18. What do you call two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk.
19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow, wh— MOOOOOO!
20. What happens when a cow laughs? Milk comes out of its nose.
21. What’s a cow’s favorite TV show? Dr. Moo.
22. What do you get when a cow uses a trampoline? A milkshake!
23. What do you call it when one cow spies on another cow? A steak out.
24. Why do cows go to New York? To see the moosicals!
25. How did the cow reach Mars? It flew through udder space!
26. How do you silence a cow? Press the moooote button.
27. What do we call a cow during an earthquake? A milkshake!
28. What do cows have for breakfast? Moosli.
29. How do farmers tally their cows? Using a cowculator.
30. What do you call cows that tell jokes? Laughing stock.
31. What sound does a cow make when breaking the sound barrier? Cowboom!
32. What happens when you talk to a cow? It goes in one ear and out the udder!
33. What do you hear at a cow concert? Moo-sic!
34. What’s it called when two herds of cows brawl? A cattle battle.
35. When is it time to buy a new hat? When a cow sits on it!
36. Why did the Animal News Network fire its bovine anchor? For being unrelia-bull!
37. What do you call a muscular cow? Beefy.
38. Why did the two cows not get along? They had beef.
39. What did the cow and bull do on their first date? Dinner and a moooovie.
40. What did the bull say to his son heading off to school? “Bison!”
41. Why do cows love magazines? They enjoy the cattle-logs!
42. Déjà Moo is the sensation that you’ve heard this bull before.
43. What did the cow say to the cheese? “I am your father!”
44. What do you name a cow lying down? Ground beef!
45. Why don’t bulls participate in archery? They might hit a bulls-eye.
46. Where do cows get their medicine? The farmacy!
47. How does a cow become invisible? Through camooflage!
48. What do you get when you mix a cow with a smurf? Blue cheese!
49. I saw a cow wander into a marijuana field. The steaks have never been so high!
50. What does a cow watch? MooTube!
51. What do you call a female cow? A dairy queen.
52. Why does a milking stool have only three legs? Because the cow has the udder!
53. What’s a comedic cow called? A cowmedian.
54. Why did astronauts take cereal and a cow in their spaceship? In case they bypassed the milky way!
55. What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
56. Where do cows vacation? Moo Zealand!
57. How do cows laugh? Moo-haha!
58. Why are cows broke? Farmers milk them dry.
59. How did the farmer track down his lost cow? He tractor down!
60. What do you call a cow that can part water? Moo-ses.
61. What do you call a redneck motorbike? Cow-a-sock-ee!
62. What does a surfing cow exclaim? “Cowabunga!”
63. What’s a cow’s favorite James Taylor song? “Something in the Way She Moos.”
64. What do you call a cow that just had a calf? De-calf-inated!
65. Why did the cow cross the road? To reach the udder side!
66. Why do cows wear bells? Their horns don’t work!
67. What do you get when you cross a cow and a goat? A coat!
68. What did the farmer name the cow that produced no milk? An udder failure.
69. I told my butcher I got beef from a female cow. I said, “I believe this is a Miss Steak.”
70. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
71. If a cow is chilly, you get a milkshake. But if it gets even colder? A dead cow!
72. I witnessed a cow spontaneously combust the other day. You could say it was a rare experience.
73. I’d share a cow joke, but I’d probably butcher it.
74. How do you tuck in a cow? With bull sheets.
75. I have a joke about a cow, but it might be offensive, so I’ll probably need to take it down. Or, you know, have it remooooooved.
76. What are cow knees called? Burger joints!
77. What’s a cow’s social media handle? Bo-Vine.
78. What does a cow’s evening of self-care look like? Moovies, moosic, and mooisturizer.
79. How does a cow say sorry? It kowtows.
80. What did the cow say after work? “An udder day, an udder dollar!”
81. If a cowboy is feeling good, does that make him a… Jolly Rancher?
82. What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce milk? A milk dud.
83. What do you call a Russian cow covered in lichen? Moscow!
84. I don’t even know how to describe this divine bovine I just encountered. I mean, just, like, holy cow…
85. What do you call a cow that won the lottery? A cash cow!
86. What did one cow robber say to the other before their heist? “Put on your cow-moo gear — we need to be sneaky.”
87. What do you call it when two cows live in peace? Cowhabitation.

For more humorous content, check out our additional posts at Home Insemination Kit or learn about artificial insemination at Make a Mom. If you’re looking for excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination, UCSF’s IVF page is a great place to start.

Summary:

This article compiles 87 cow-themed jokes, puns, and riddles that are sure to entertain audiences of all ages. From classic one-liners to clever wordplay, these jokes celebrate the humorous side of cows and their role in our lives. Share them with your kids for some udderly fun entertainment!