If you’re navigating life with teenagers during this pandemic, you’re likely experiencing the chaos that comes with telling them they can’t hang out with friends every single day. I’ve seen countless posts from parents pleading for advice on how to manage the situation.
Take my clever sixteen-year-old, for instance. When his school closed, he quickly assumed he’d be living in a scene from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. I quickly set him straight: this was not a vacation; he was required to keep up with his schoolwork and stay home.
Just five minutes later, he slammed his laptop shut, claimed his teachers had given him permission to enjoy his vacation, and announced he was heading to the gym. I was far from amused by his sarcasm or defiance.
I told him he was grounded and could work out at home. This sparked a 21-day standoff (and counting). When his gym eventually closed, he surrendered that excuse but lamented that I was apparently the “only parent” enforcing the stay-at-home order, preventing him from hanging out with his friends.
In his eyes, I was overreacting. He insisted he was invincible, immune to everything, and under the protection of an invisible shield that would keep COVID-19 at bay.
Since that fateful day, I’ve had to repeat my lectures endlessly. Keeping him and his younger siblings (thankfully without licenses) at home was manageable until last Friday, when I made a dreaded trip to the grocery store. With only one roll of toilet paper left and three growing kids who seem to eat constantly, it was a necessity.
Upon returning home, I quickly noticed his car was missing. The clock read 2:22 PM—where could he possibly be? When I called him, he claimed he needed gas and wanted fast food, assuring me he’d be back in a few hours. “I just can’t stay in the house anymore. There’s nothing to do!”
That was the first time he ever left without permission. I told him to come home immediately and made it clear he better not be meeting up with any friends, as who knows where they had been. In a panic, I called his dad, asking him to drive around and look for him.
I didn’t stop there. I grilled my two younger kids about why they hadn’t stopped him. They rolled their eyes, dismissing my concerns as over-the-top. “You bet I’m being dramatic! There’s a global warning to stay at home, and you all act like it’s no big deal!”
I’ve tried to explain to them that staying between my house and their father’s isn’t a punishment. I want them to remain healthy, and I’ve done my best to be patient when they ask about seeing friends and when life will return to normal.
A lot of what they loved—hanging out with friends, movie nights, dining out, much-anticipated school events—has come to a halt, and they’re grieving those losses just like the rest of us.
If you’re struggling with your teens who are pushing hard for a semblance of normalcy, you’re not alone. This is a monumental challenge. I often feel like I’m trying to contain wild animals who are desperate to escape their cages.
As frustrating as it is, this is an essential role we play: teaching them to think of others and contributing to making this situation better so we can all return to our normal lives.
My daughter has been asking to have a friend over, convinced that as long as they don’t touch, everything will be fine. My youngest wants to hang out with his buddies at Target—something he’s been doing for months. When I tell him no, he argues that the store is open and assures me they’ll maintain social distance while wearing ski masks.
I understand that kids are relentless because they’re hurting, lonely, and eager for an end to this situation. That’s why I have to do everything in my power to keep them at home, no matter how exhausted I feel or how much I dread the arguments. I warned my son that if he leaves again, I’d take away his car keys for a month—no joke.
So, on top of everything else, we have to focus on keeping our teens at home. It’s undoubtedly challenging, but it must be done.
To add to the mix, my daughter has been filling my messages with pictures and videos of ducks—ducks in diapers, ducks on walks, ducks sleeping on countertops, and ducks swimming in sinks. She’s convinced that since she can’t see her friends and summer will likely be a drag, a pet would be a great source of comfort.
I love my children deeply. Watching them cope with this is tough, and parenting through it is even tougher. If I could ease their pain, I would. I considered just buying them extra candy, but it seems we might be getting ducks instead. Who knows? Maybe ducks are easier to manage than teenagers.
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Summary
Parenting teens during a pandemic brings unique challenges, especially when it comes to keeping them at home. Understanding their feelings of loneliness and frustration is crucial, but maintaining boundaries is equally important. As you navigate this difficult time, remember that communication, patience, and a little humor can go a long way in managing the chaos.
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