As we navigate the challenges of working from home while juggling full-time parenting—like countless families are doing right now—I’m feeling an overwhelming sense of frustration. And surprisingly, my two young kids aren’t the main source of that irritation—it’s my husband. He spends most of his day locked away in our bedroom, only emerging for his own lunch, leaving me to manage everything else. Between my meetings, emails, and phone calls, I’m the one who’s constantly dealing with toys, arts and crafts, snacks, and tending to our children, all while ensuring our home doesn’t look like a disaster zone. It’s becoming evident that I didn’t realize just how self-centered he could be. He frequently insists that his work is “non-stop” and that he needs his own space to “get things done.” How do I make him understand that he should be appreciative of everything I’m handling around here?
Let’s get one thing straight: “My partner’s job is NOT more important than mine. My partner’s job also includes being a father and a teammate.” Repeat this mantra as often as necessary, because it’s absolutely the truth. None of us anticipated a prolonged quarantine and the challenges that come with it. Typically, no one is expected to handle a full-time job while also caring for young children simultaneously. Those little ones? They were a mutual decision, just like your marriage. Your husband definitely needs a reality check.
You owe him no special privileges during this time. You don’t need to apologize for simply existing in your own home, and neither do your kids. It’s crucial to remember that his employer likely understands the unique circumstances of working from home with kids. This isn’t business as usual, and expecting it to be is both unrealistic and unfair. While I’m not privy to the specifics of your husband’s job, most desk jobs don’t require non-stop attention for the entire workday. It’s safe to say he can manage a few parenting duties without fearing for his employment.
From here on out, it’s time for a shift in responsibilities. Review your daily schedules and create a plan where you alternate tasks. If he has an important call, you step in and take charge of the children. When it’s your turn for a call or urgent emails, he becomes the “Downstairs Dad.” You can also take turns with meals—whoever has a lighter schedule handles breakfast and snacks, and dinner should be a joint effort. Household chores should be shared as well; with everyone at home, the mess will naturally increase. If clutter stresses you out, he can pitch in to tidy up just like you do.
We are living through unprecedented times, filled with anxiety and uncertainty. Acknowledging the gravity of this situation doesn’t diminish the significant roles women play both at work and home. My partner and I agreed that when we’re at home together, our primary responsibility is as parents. This doesn’t mean we neglect our jobs, but it does mean we step away from work to meet the immediate needs of our children and support each other when needed.
Don’t let your husband’s outdated views on gender roles disrupt your work-life balance. He is a capable adult who committed to being both a husband and a father. He’s not the only one “working” while “at home” these days, and you need to reinforce this reality until it truly sinks in. No more closed doors or ignoring his family. If he’s comfortable allowing you to shoulder the burden alone, then it’s time to insist he shares it.
Stay healthy, stay home, and assert your boundaries with confidence.
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Summary
The article addresses the frustrations of a woman whose husband believes his job is more important than her own, especially while they both work from home and care for their children. It emphasizes the need for shared responsibilities and a balanced partnership, especially during challenging times.
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