As a nurse, the past few weeks have been incredibly frightening. The COVID-19 pandemic has swept across the nation, and during the initial outbreak in the United States, my county seemed largely unaffected, a response that turned out to be dangerously complacent. As infections began to surge, New York State became an epicenter of the crisis, while my rural county lagged behind in awareness and preparation.
I work in both long-term care and an outpatient office, and as the situation worsened, I felt a growing sense of uncertainty. Some healthcare professionals started to voice concerns, researching how to adapt practices in both settings. Yet, others in leadership dismissed requests for essential gear like N-95 masks, leaving us nurses caught in a whirlwind of mixed messages. Was COVID-19 truly a threat to us here? Should I take precautions, even as some providers remained indifferent? The daily changes in protocols regarding personal protective equipment, patient screenings, and testing criteria left many of us scrambling to keep pace.
Then it happened: I began displaying symptoms without realizing it. I had a follow-up appointment with my primary care doctor for an unrelated issue and mentioned my recent struggles with asthma. Normally mild, my asthma had worsened to the point where even minor exertion left me breathless. During my visit, my doctor ordered tests, and I spent most of the day working in the outpatient office with minimal patient interaction. However, even talking too much took its toll on my breathing.
When my doctor shared the test results, they confirmed I had some kind of infection, but not influenza or any other respiratory illness. I was quickly isolated in an empty exam room as my provider sought to navigate the testing process for COVID-19. Alone, I overheard staff discussing my case, which only deepened my anxiety. As I sat there, I tried to calm myself, but thoughts raced through my mind about everyone I had potentially exposed in the past week.
After a flurry of calls, I learned that testing was limited to critical care patients in our county. I was instructed to self-quarantine immediately. My supervisor reached out to reassure me, but I soon discovered that the office manager had shared my private health information, a violation of HIPAA regulations. Anger was the last thing on my mind, overshadowed by fear and confusion.
At home, I compiled a list of people I needed to notify about my potential exposure, which included my boss, my son’s sitters, family members, friends, and others I had been in contact with. The ordeal was mentally draining, and I found myself grappling with the fact that patients I had interacted with might not be informed of any risk due to my unconfirmed status. This realization haunted me, especially since I had cared for many individuals at high risk due to chronic conditions.
Over the next few days, I made as many calls as I could, often facing questions I couldn’t answer and requests for guidance I wasn’t equipped to provide. The long-term care facility’s human resources informed me that I wouldn’t receive paid leave without a confirmed positive test.
Finally, after persistent follow-ups, my doctor attempted to secure me a test, but I still wasn’t evaluated. As my symptoms worsened, including a cough and fever, I reached out to the county health department. They acknowledged my need for testing based on my symptoms but admitted they didn’t know how to facilitate it.
Despite my healthy age and background, the idea of potentially transmitting COVID-19 to vulnerable patients left me feeling furious and helpless. Ethical concerns about the lack of testing for symptomatic healthcare workers weighed heavily on me. I felt that medical institutions were failing their patients by not ensuring their staff’s safety.
I have transitioned from fear to anger, realizing the gravity of my situation.
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Summary:
As a nurse, I faced the terrifying reality of potentially exposing my patients to COVID-19 due to a lack of testing and preparedness. Despite showing symptoms, I struggled to navigate the healthcare system, leading to emotional turmoil as I reached out to those I may have inadvertently infected. The experience highlighted ethical concerns regarding the safety of healthcare workers and the risks posed to vulnerable patients.
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