If you spot me out and about with my children, there’s a high likelihood that one of them will be sporting an outfit that’s, shall we say, imaginative. Picture a superhero cape paired with polka dot shorts or mismatched rain boots over cozy pajamas. The combinations are endless and wonderfully quirky.
These playful ensembles aren’t a sign of chaos in my parenting; rather, they represent my conscious decision to give my children some agency in their clothing choices. I believe that letting my kids pick their outfits is a vital part of fostering a sense of bodily autonomy.
I still remember the first time my eldest, who I’ll call Max, chose his own attire at the age of three. We were gearing up for a drive-in movie, and he emerged from his room decked out in zip-up pajamas, rain boots, and a pair of goggles. He announced with pride that he was “all set to go!”
Even though his interpretation of “all set” differed significantly from mine, I let him strut his stuff. He beamed with pride, and why should I take that away from him? At the drive-in, he confidently approached our friends, blissfully unaware of how adorably silly he looked. Most importantly, he was comfortable and appropriately covered.
I’ve captured countless moments of him in his whimsical outfits since that night.
As Max has grown, his fashion choices have become a bit more subdued—he’s traded in the goggles for more age-appropriate accessories, passing the baton to my younger son, whom I’ll call Leo.
When Leo bursts into the room wearing a shirt three sizes too big, mismatched shoes, or shorts in the middle of winter, I don’t make a fuss. My partner and I simply embrace their choices, even when we don’t quite understand them. Allowing our children to express themselves this way nurtures their independence and sparks their creativity.
Choosing an outfit can also be a chance to teach them about color coordination and appropriate attire for different weather conditions. I gently remind them when they opt for clothing unsuitable for the temperature, but if they insist on wearing those shorts in the cold, I trust that nature will provide the necessary lessons. Too chilly? They’ll learn to select pants next time. Wet shoes? You can bet they’ll reach for rain boots when it’s soggy out.
I’m not concerned about them missing out on these straightforward lessons.
However, the most significant reason I encourage their mismatched attire is that I’m instilling in them the belief that their bodies belong to them. Choosing what to wear is a simple yet powerful way to empower them. This lesson in bodily autonomy is crucial for their safety. It teaches them that they are in charge of their own bodies, which is essential in communicating boundaries to trusted adults if anyone ever crosses a line. We talk about tricky people and the importance of trusting their instincts. They must know that they don’t owe anyone affection or compliance.
Bodily autonomy extends far beyond just the concept of “stranger danger.” We emphasize this with our kids to help them feel important, empowered, and unique.
I want my daughter, whom I’ll call Ella, to recognize her body as a marvel—whether she grows tall and slender like her dad or shorter and rounder like me, or anywhere in between. The world can exert tremendous pressure on women regarding body image. Ella will need to be her own biggest supporter. If she feels most comfortable in mismatched socks or a dress with clashing patterns, I’m all for it. She deserves to make choices about her body without feeling the need to apologize for them, even if they don’t make sense to others.
I want my kids to appreciate themselves fully. If they value their own bodies, I believe they will recognize the worth of others as well. Cultivating self-respect in them will hopefully empower them to reject disrespectful language or behavior towards anyone. I want them to honor their own bodies so much that they would never dream of disrespecting someone else’s.
Allowing my children to choose their clothing is just a small piece of this intricate puzzle.
And let’s be clear: we’re not living in a constant fashion disaster. While bodily autonomy is essential, so is dressing appropriately for society. They need to learn how to put together an appropriate outfit for adulthood. Most days, I pick their clothes, and for special events, I ensure they are dressed well. I didn’t have three kids to miss out on dressing them in matching outfits for photos! My youngest is still a baby, so I naturally choose her outfits to match and be weather appropriate.
My children aren’t wandering around looking like they dressed in the dark every day. I simply refuse to make a fuss when they choose to express themselves in their unique ways. If my son wants to wear his dinosaur pajamas with sneakers to the ice cream shop, I wholeheartedly support it.
As they grow, our conversations about clothing will evolve, but the core principle will remain. Even during those teenage years when their fashion sense may utterly baffle me, I won’t turn this into a battle. As long as they treat others with kindness, they can express themselves however they like—even if it resembles a jumble of patterns. Your body, your choice.
And yes, you might have a few fashion regrets in the future, but who doesn’t? This is just one aspect of the broader conversation about empowerment. Allowing my kids to take control over small choices like clothing is a step towards helping them view their bodies as their own. They are my responsibility, but they are not my possessions. My role is to support them in becoming their true selves.
There are many tough lessons awaiting them, and sometimes it’s essential to let them learn the simple ones. Letting them choose their outfits is an easy, painless way to reinforce that they inhabit a body that is entirely theirs.
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In summary, granting my children the freedom to select their own clothing is more than a mere fashion statement; it’s a crucial lesson in autonomy, self-expression, and respect for their bodies. As they navigate the complexities of growing up, these small choices serve as stepping stones towards becoming confident individuals.
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