Updated: April 16, 2020
Originally Published: April 12, 2020
One of the most frustrating things I encountered while being a stay-at-home mom to two little ones under five was the constant refrain that I was “lucky.” Friends, family, and anyone who had never experienced the challenges of being at home with young kids would often declare how fortunate I was to spend my days with my children.
However, labeling a stay-at-home parent as lucky is not only patronizing, but it also misses the mark entirely. Such statements are often made without understanding the realities of daily life with toddlers. It’s akin to saying, “everything happens for a reason.” Luck is a happenstance, not a conscious choice.
For instance, being born good-looking is luck. Hitting the jackpot is luck. Choosing to stay home with children, whether due to financial necessity or a heartfelt decision, is a deliberate action that often involves significant sacrifices.
In 2016, a Pew Research Center study found that only 4-7% of dads were stay-at-home parents, while 27% of moms took on that role. Interestingly, many people felt compelled to give me their blessing to stay home because they didn’t perceive my job as a newspaper reporter as valuable enough to warrant daycare expenses. My male colleagues, earning similar salaries, didn’t face such scrutiny. This disparity can be disheartening and underscores an underlying bias about parental roles.
Being a stay-at-home parent to small children is exhausting. It can feel like an endless cycle of cleaning up messes, dealing with tantrums, and surviving on little sleep. In many ways, it resembles being quarantined, where your options for escape are limited, and every outing feels like it requires a monumental effort.
Yet, there’s a silver lining: it does get easier. I recall a moment when my son was just three months old, and another mother, whose kids were older, looked me in the eye and said, “It never gets any easier.” She seemed to be preparing me for a long road ahead. However, my experience has been quite the opposite. Now with kids aged 11 and 14, my biggest struggle during this quarantine is prying them away from their screens for a simple walk.
Sure, I still deal with loneliness and boredom and I long for their conversations, but they’ve become much more engaging company. While I still face sleep deprivation and haven’t penned that great American novel, I no longer find myself in a cycle of constant care and supervision.
To those parents navigating quarantine with toddlers: I see you, and I empathize. I feel for you every time I pass a playground barricaded to keep children away. It truly does get better. And don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you that you’re lucky.
For more insights on parenting and family life, check out this post, and if you’re curious about the journey of family building, visit Resolve.org for excellent resources. Also, if you’re interested in home insemination, MakeAMom can provide you with authority on the topic.
Summary:
Navigating the challenges of being a stay-at-home parent can be tough, especially when caring for toddlers. However, as children grow, many parents find that life becomes easier, especially during quarantine. This article emphasizes the differences in experiences between parenting toddlers and tweens, shedding light on societal perceptions of stay-at-home parents and offering encouragement to those currently in the trenches.
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