For individuals who identify as part of the LGBTQIA+ community, the act of coming out can be liberating; it allows for the shedding of secrets, shame, and the façades we’ve maintained. It opens the door to living authentically, finding genuine love, and embracing our true selves. However, this liberation is often accompanied by fear and emotional turmoil. The process can inadvertently cause pain to those who claim to care for us, as they grapple with the loss of a version of us that no longer exists. Sadly, these feelings of hurt can manifest as rejection or even abuse.
Since childhood, I’ve been aware of my own queerness and have experienced life both inside and outside the closet. I empathize deeply with those currently trapped during this pandemic, especially those who are closeted. While I champion risk-taking and living authentically—even in tough times—coming out during this period may pose real dangers. With the ongoing health crisis, I urge you to reconsider your timing.
As the days of confinement stretch on, the strain intensifies. For many, staying home is not just inconvenient; it can be perilous. Among those in homes rife with verbal, physical, or sexual abuse, the incidence of violence against women and children has surged as stress levels rise. Economic worries, the pressures of homeschooling, and the increase in substance use have exacerbated a tense situation.
LGBTQIA+ youth and adults are particularly vulnerable now. Many queer youths find themselves in unsupportive households, devoid of the schools, support networks, and Pride centers they once relied upon. My hope is that those who are out but lack support can access online communities or at least connect with a friend or caring adult through text or video calls. I hope they can endure despite facing misgendering, humiliation, and the denial of their true identities.
Eventually, we will weather this storm, but the lockdown can trigger feelings of anxiety and panic. Personally, it has stirred emotions connected to my past when I was closeted and trapped in isolating situations. While I remind myself that I’m no longer there and do have support, I still grapple with depression, heightened dysphoria, and fleeting moments of panic and shame. I feel confined once more and am grateful these are just echoes of past trauma rather than present experiences. I honor these feelings and channel them into empathy for those queer individuals who feel suffocated.
As an LGBTQIA+ educator, I recall a conversation with a student named Jamie, who approached me after a school event. Jamie shared that she identified as pansexual and sought advice on coming out to her father, who, she believed, would not be accepting. I expressed my gratitude for her trust and inquired about other supportive adults at home. Although her mother was somewhat understanding, Jamie worried about her father’s reaction. When I asked about her safety at home, she admitted it was inconsistent. I probed further, asking about self-harm and her support system, and was relieved to learn that she had friends and a therapist.
I emphasized to Jamie that I couldn’t dictate when or how she should come out, but it was vital to weigh all possible outcomes. I encouraged her to develop a plan with her therapist and guidance counselor for a worst-case scenario. I didn’t share statistics, but they were present in my mind, reminding me that a third of queer youth face rejection from their families, and that suicide attempts among queer youth are significantly higher than their cisgender peers.
In the context of COVID-19, options for safe havens are severely limited. LGBTQIA+ Pride centers and shelters, already overburdened and underfunded, are now either closed or only accessible through virtual means. While an unsupportive home may provide shelter, it often lacks true safety.
Please remember that your moment will arrive, but coming out during this time may not be in your best interest. Let’s navigate this pandemic while minimizing emotional and physical harm. You deserve to be recognized and celebrated, and you deserve alternatives if home isn’t a safe space.
I understand how trapped you feel—both in your truth and in this health crisis. Allow the return of supportive schools, Pride centers, and trusted friends and family. In the meantime, several virtual resources are at your disposal. The Trevor Project features a crisis hotline and various online support options for LGBTQIA+ youth, while the It Gets Better Project shares uplifting stories from queer adults who once faced similar challenges. For those in need of affirmations, The Validation Station sends daily supportive messages to transgender and nonbinary individuals. Additionally, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline offers emotional support for anyone in distress.
Please reach out. You are valuable, loved, and not alone.
Summary
Coming out during a pandemic poses significant risks, particularly for LGBTQIA+ individuals living in unsupportive environments. With increased tensions and limited resources, it is crucial to prioritize safety and emotional well-being. Support networks, both online and offline, are available to help navigate these challenging times.
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