It can be tough to refrain from critiquing how other moms navigate parenthood, but here are six strategies to help you move beyond jealousy and judgment.
By Emily Johnson
Want to put an end to the Mommy Wars? We’ve initiated Moms for Moms Day with CTWorkingMoms.com to foster support and uplift one another, regardless of our choices. Join fellow moms (and those expecting!) by sharing your parenting truths with us.
At its core, the term “Mommy Wars” often conjures images of stay-at-home moms viewing working mothers as neglectful, while working moms perceive stay-at-home moms as lacking ambition. While it may seem petty and divisive, I’ve learned that it’s natural to make comparisons after becoming a mom. Suddenly, you’re surrounded by others who are also doing the same job, leading to thoughts like: Are they managing better than I am?
In my neighborhood in Brooklyn, I’ve noticed that most of the conflicts—mine included—stem from insecurities about our individual choices. For instance, I often question myself: would my child be more outgoing if he attended daycare? Would she feel neglected because I’m not home with her? Is he overly reliant on me since I’m with him full-time?
The reality is that every mom is doing her best, often facing challenges that aren’t visible from the outside. We spoke to several moms about how they’ve learned to cast aside judgment and engage with one another out of curiosity, viewing each other not as competitors, but as valuable resources in the chaotic journey of parenting.
Focus on What Works for You
Determine what feels right for your family. “If you’re content in your own role—whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or work full-time and hire childcare—you won’t feel compelled to judge others,” says Sarah L., a mom of three from North Carolina. “Every situation has its benefits, and it’s helpful to concentrate on what’s working well for your family and share that with others.” This mindset not only helps you avoid comparisons but also positions you as a supportive resource for fellow moms. The more you refine your approach, the more insights you can offer your peers.
Start a Conversation
When you’re feeling judged, it’s all too easy to respond defensively. Laura M., a Connecticut mom juggling two toddlers and a freelance career, often ran into disapproval from stay-at-home moms regarding her long hours. “I became an easy target,” she recalls. “Some would say things like, ‘Kids learn best when they’re always with their parents.’”
While Laura brushed off most of these comments, she chose to engage with one mom in particular. “I shared how challenging it was for me to balance everything and how I sometimes felt I was missing important milestones, but also how much joy I found in my work,” she explains. “I also expressed my respect for stay-at-home moms.” Her honesty opened the door to a meaningful connection.
For more insights on supporting each other in parenting, check out this related post. If you’re considering alternative family-building options, Make A Mom provides the top at-home insemination kits globally, a fantastic resource for prospective parents. Additionally, News Medical offers excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, by focusing on what works for you and engaging in open conversations, we can collectively diminish the negativity surrounding the Mommy Wars. Supporting one another is the key to thriving in this beautiful yet challenging journey of motherhood.
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