In a recent episode of his show, comedian Mark Johnson stated, “New rule: Couples who have spent years quietly feeling sorry for single people, especially those without kids, must answer this question: How do you feel about us now?” Well, Mark, I can tell you that our feelings aren’t very warm.
“We” refers to those navigating the complexities of Pandemic Partnering & Parenting, a seemingly never-ending social experiment that tests how much stress people can handle before they reach their breaking point. When I picture your life, Mark, I envision you enjoying leisurely naps, experimenting with sourdough, binge-watching shows, participating in Zoom yoga, painting accent walls, and diving into books. I assume your biggest grievance is boredom.
Ah, boredom—a privilege of the childless, or as you prefer, “childfree.” You’re right; we’ve come to appreciate this distinction. You have the freedom to be bored. One of your kind recently told me, “I’m so bored, I just took a one-hour hot shower.” Another asked, “Should I get Hulu? I’ve finished all the Netflix shows.” Yet another mused, “I’m thinking about writing a book. I mean, when else would I have the time?”
As I found myself channeling my pandemic anxiety into resentment toward your kind, a single friend texted me: “It’s just so lonely.” Then they added, “Honestly, spending the day with a kid sounds kinda fun.” That’s when it hit me again—the grass is always greener on the other side.
At the onset of lockdown, I often yearned for my pre-child life. With a mandate to stay indoors—something I felt I was born to do as an introvert—I was unable to fully embrace it because my two-year-old was adamant about not allowing me to read, watch shows, or even take a nap (the audacity!).
But I remembered my single days. Weekends would often plunge me into a mini-depression due to a lack of motivation to get out of bed. With endless hours ahead and no plans, I’d feel overwhelmed by the possibilities and end up doing very little. A simple trip to the grocery store would remind me that I hadn’t spoken a word in 36 hours. I often welcomed Monday with relief, eager to return to work and regain some sense of purpose.
If I were single and “free” now, I imagine I would feel like Jack Nicholson in The Shining—definitely not a pretty picture. As it stands, with a toddler, a partner, and a full-time job, I’m perpetually exhausted, irritable, and teetering on the edge of a breakdown. Yet, I’m also driven to get out of bed. My days brim with purpose, perhaps even overflowing.
This pandemic has amplified extremes. Those of us with partners or children are experiencing an overload of family time without respite, while those who are single and childfree are grappling with profound isolation, meeting a lifetime quota of solitude. What we all crave is balance. I yearn for alone time, a luxury I currently lack; conversely, if I were alone, I would long for companionship (even a group of toddlers would seem inviting). It’s the extremity of our situations that fuels our longing. We are all navigating a difficult landscape right now.
Understanding this doesn’t stop me from rolling my eyes when friends without kids discuss their bubble baths. I still envy their situation and feel annoyance when they say, “Call me when you’re free,” as if such a state is attainable for me. However, I make the effort to connect. Their need for companionship often clashes with my own fatigue from social interaction, yet I try.
I would wager that even Mark Johnson feels a bit lonely these days—not lonely enough to want to raise a child, but perhaps enough to consider adopting a litter of kittens. Now that’s an image to ponder.
For further thoughts on navigating these challenging times, check out this insightful piece from our other blog. And if you’re curious about the journey of parenthood, you can find excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination here.
Summary: The article explores the contrasting experiences of parents and single, childfree individuals during the pandemic, reflecting on the challenges and longings each group faces. It highlights the irony of envy between the two lifestyles and emphasizes the universal desire for balance in a time of extremes.
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