When I first stumbled upon the trailer for “A Secret Love” on Netflix, my excitement was palpable. As a queer woman in a relationship with another woman, the stories of LGBTQ+ elders resonate deeply with me. This documentary chronicles the enduring relationship of Pat Henschel and Terry Donahue, who met in the late 1940s and shared more than 70 years together, all while concealing their love from their families for over six decades. While the premise is undeniably compelling, the film evokes a range of concerns regarding the representation of LGBTQ+ experiences and storytelling.
It’s crucial to highlight that the documentary is produced in collaboration with Ryan Murphy and directed by Chris Bolan, who is Terry’s great-nephew. This familial connection brings complexities, especially since Diana, Terry’s niece, plays a significant role and can be perceived as antagonistic. This context became clear to me only after watching the film, which validated much of my discomfort.
The Journey of Pat and Terry
Pat and Terry’s journey began in 1947 when they met during the off-season of the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League, reminiscent of “A League of Their Own.” Their immediate attraction is evident, but societal pressures and personal engagements with men forced them to navigate a life of secrecy. Their unwavering commitment to each other is touching, yet the documentary often shifts its focus away from their love story towards their aging process and the decision to sell their long-time home in Chicago. While these topics are important, they detract from the romantic narrative the film purports to tell.
Portrayal of Family Dynamics
One of the more troubling aspects of “A Secret Love” is the portrayal of Pat as a villain in the family dynamic. Diana’s claims that Pat has never embraced the family and keeps Terry away from them come across as manipulative. Her behavior suggests an ongoing antagonism towards Pat, yet she presents herself as a concerned niece. In a particularly intense moment, Diana insinuates that Pat harbors ill feelings toward her, which adds to the film’s tension.
The documentary reveals that Pat and Terry’s relationship wasn’t disclosed to the family until 2009, but it fails to explore the reasons behind their secrecy. Terry briefly mentions concerns about family abandonment had she come out earlier, and there are hints at a bigoted family history that likely influenced their decision to remain private. Despite claims that their relationship doesn’t affect family love for Terry, the discomfort during family interactions is palpable. For instance, when Pat kisses Terry’s hand, the tension is evident.
The Need for Authentic Storytelling
“A Secret Love” highlights the pitfalls of not allowing queer individuals to tell their own stories. Bolan’s focus seems more on familial acceptance than on Pat and Terry’s life as out lesbians. The film touches on their secretive romance but neglects their broader experiences in the LGBTQ+ community, leaving viewers questioning the narrative’s authenticity. My initial hope was to witness a reflection on how societal attitudes have shifted over the past 70 years. Like Pat and Terry, I faced fears of family disapproval when coming out, but thankfully, my experience was less fraught.
The film hints at a rich queer community that Pat and Terry were a part of, yet we rarely see their interactions with other lesbians. A fleeting moment with a gay male couple is overshadowed by their complaints about moving, and any exploration of their identities is minimal. Their love story is intertwined with their journeys as queer individuals, which remains largely unexamined.
Conclusion
While “A Secret Love” is beautifully crafted, it raises many unanswered questions. It feels as though it’s designed for a straight audience seeking to celebrate family acceptance rather than delving into the authenticity of a lesbian love story. The documentary struggles to convey the true essence of Pat and Terry’s relationship, as it often prioritizes the family’s perspective over the women’s lived experiences.
In conclusion, “A Secret Love” presents a poignant tale that deserves a deeper exploration of queer identities and struggles. While it is a documentary about love, it ultimately reflects a family’s journey to understand their aunt rather than the story of two women who have navigated a lifetime of love in secrecy. This film is available for streaming on Netflix, but it may leave viewers yearning for a more authentic representation of LGBTQ+ lives.
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