By: Jessica Rowan
Updated: July 23, 2020
Originally Published: May 21, 2020
While directing my children to step away from their screens and engage in something more constructive, I stumbled upon a captivating video on Facebook. It featured a honey bee that had unwittingly fallen into a sticky pool of honey. As the beekeeper returned the bee to the entrance of its hive, the worker bees sprang into action, each taking on a specific task to clean their friend. One attended to its face, another worked on its wings, and yet another focused on its body, until the bee was revived and able to fly again.
As someone who has never been particularly graceful, I found the bees’ teamwork inspiring, and it struck me as a powerful metaphor for the friendships we all need. This curiosity led me down a rabbit hole of research on honey bees and their social structure.
Interestingly, honey bees don’t seem to grasp the concept of democracy; they are manipulated by the queen bee, who rises to power without any qualifications. They select a leader through a rather arbitrary process, feeding the chosen egg royal jelly, and voilà—a queen is born. Once in power, she exerts control over the worker bees through hormones, which also render them infertile. When her influence wanes, they oust her and elect a new queen. I’ve encountered a few ‘honey bee’ friends in my life—definitely not the type of companions I would choose.
It’s essential to recognize that not everyone will resonate with you, and that’s perfectly okay. Understanding this took time, but it’s a vital lesson. I called out to my kids to ensure they weren’t squandering their time online and dove back into my exploration of animal social hierarchies. That’s when I discovered my ideal metaphorical companions: the elephants.
The Wisdom of Elephants
Elephant herds are predominantly female and led by a matriarch who earns her position through wisdom and trust rather than arbitrary selection. She is respected for her experience and is open to contributions from other herd members, including the younger elephants. Each elephant has its own personality, contributing to the herd’s success and safety. They cooperate to protect one another and share responsibilities for nurturing the calves. Elephants exhibit deep emotions, mourning the loss of a herd member and demonstrating empathy. They also have remarkable memory, recognizing each other even after long separations.
The significance of strong friendships cannot be overstated. Like elephants, my group of friends consists of a diverse mix of women—some are family, others I’ve known for years, but all share a strong bond that withstands time. One of them even participated in drive-thru confession during the pandemic. While I’ve never attended confession, I might consider it if I could confess my sins as casually as I order a cheeseburger.
Our friendships may differ vastly, but they complement one another beautifully. Each person brings a unique gift or insight to the table, often needing patience and trust to reveal it—much like how an elephant matriarch must prove her leadership capabilities.
It’s often said that every person has a friend for every stage of life, but only the fortunate have the same friend throughout all stages. Among my friends, there’s one who has been a constant presence. We’ve shared moments that felt like being stuck in a hive with those honey bees. For whatever reason, I may not have a biological sister, but I have found my “soul sister.”
We share a knack for making inappropriate jokes in awkward situations, and we both carry our own burdens beneath that humor. A true friend stands by you to witness your triumphs and remains present during your struggles. Sharing pain is one of the most selfless acts a friend can offer, and having someone who can make you laugh through it is a bond worth cherishing.
As you navigate through life, surround yourself with a supportive circle of friends who will defend you and uplift you in challenging times. If you’re fortunate enough to find a kindred spirit, embrace that connection wholeheartedly.
And please, do yourself a favor and steer clear of those honey bees.
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Summary
Strong friendships are essential for emotional support and resilience, much like the cooperative nature of elephant herds. Each friend brings unique strengths and perspectives, forming a protective and nurturing community. Embrace those who uplift you and steer clear of toxic relationships, such as the honey bee dynamics.
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