In the United States, patriotism runs deep among many citizens. While not every American exhibits this sentiment, a significant portion proudly displays their love for the country. As someone married to a servicemember, I have witnessed this firsthand. When my husband, Jake, dons his uniform—something he does nearly every day—people rush to express their gratitude for his service. They pay for his coffee, extend a handshake, and share personal stories. Although he isn’t a combat veteran, that detail often goes unnoticed; the mere fact that he serves is enough for many.
While Jake handles these moments with grace, accepting their thanks with humility, there’s one occasion when he firmly declines: Memorial Day. This day is not about honoring those who are currently serving or even those who have served and returned home. Memorial Day is dedicated to remembering those who made the ultimate sacrifice and lost their lives while serving our nation.
Each year, as Memorial Day approaches, my uncle recounts the story of our relative, Thomas, who perished in Vietnam at just twenty years old. His life ended far too soon, and he rests in Arlington Cemetery. My family shares a poignant letter he wrote home, a reminder of the life he lived rather than the death he suffered. Although I never met him, his legacy is alive in our memories during this solemn day.
All around the country, veterans reflect on the friends they lost in battle. Even those like Jake, who have not seen combat, grapple with the loss of comrades to the devastating effects of PTSD. Memorial Day is a time for honoring the fallen, not for thanking those who are alive and serving.
However, this doesn’t mean we should overlook expressing gratitude to veterans and active-duty members entirely. There are appropriate times for that. For instance, Armed Forces Day, observed on the third Saturday of May, is specifically set aside to show appreciation to those currently serving in the military. It’s a perfect occasion to acknowledge the contributions of airmen, soldiers, sailors, marines, and coast guardsmen.
Similarly, November 11 marks Veteran’s Day, which allows us to honor all individuals who have served in the military, whether they are still on active duty or have retired honorably. Many businesses often extend discounts or gifts to service members on this day, making it a fitting time to express thanks.
Each branch of the military also has its own birthday—an ideal opportunity to recognize their unique contributions. The Army celebrates on June 14, the Coast Guard on August 4, the Air Force on September 18, the Navy on October 13, and the Marine Corps on November 10. Marking these dates can be a meaningful way to show appreciation.
As a military spouse, I sometimes wish that a standing military wasn’t necessary. The ideal world would be free from war and conflict. However, given the reality, we must recognize and respect those who choose to serve, knowing they might face the ultimate sacrifice.
As you observe Memorial Day, remember to set aside time to honor those who have given their lives for our country. Thanking a veteran is best reserved for other occasions.
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Summary
Memorial Day is a time to honor the sacrifices of those who died in military service, not to thank living veterans or active-duty members. Appropriate days for gratitude include Armed Forces Day and Veteran’s Day, as well as the individual birthdays of military branches. As a military spouse, it’s essential to recognize the differences in these observances while remembering the importance of honoring the fallen.
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