My relationship was on life support long before the pandemic struck. By Valentine’s Day 2020, my partner and I decided to separate. He gathered his belongings and moved out, while I found myself staring blankly at the vacant space in our closet. I had informed my family about our split and shed tears over my broken marriage. To our five kids, I had hinted at the impending divorce, explaining, “Things are tough for mom and dad right now, so we need some time apart.” I confided in my therapist about embarking on a new chapter in my life. At that time, I sat in a hotel bar, absorbing news of a spreading virus while holding hands with a man I was seeing on the side. I believed my marriage was beyond repair, so I enjoyed a Manhattan and envisioned a future without my husband.
Then, COVID-19 hit the U.S.
In light of the crisis, we mutually agreed that he should return home, with the understanding that he would sleep in the spare bedroom in the basement. We established unspoken rules to avoid each other during the day but gathered for brief family dinners to provide some stability for the children. We sat at opposite ends of the table, exchanging minimal conversation. Our nighttime routine involved retreating to our respective rooms, him in the basement and me in the master bedroom. I relished my solitude, monopolizing the TV remote and texting my new partner into the early hours.
Long before any formal social distancing mandates, my husband and I had established our own version of it.
Once the stay-at-home orders took effect, jobs vanished, and colleges closed. Our adult children began returning home one by one. To accommodate everyone, I reluctantly surrendered my personal space and allowed my husband to share my bed again. His clothes found their way back into our closet, and we snuggled under the same blankets. Still, we maintained our distance, a safe six feet apart in our king-sized bed.
One sleepless night, I lay awake, observing my husband’s back as he slept, attempting to pinpoint when our relationship began its decline. Perhaps it began with my unexpected pregnancy shortly after we fell in love during high school. Or maybe it was when we decided to place that child for adoption, leaving me with overwhelming guilt.
Our relationship might have deteriorated when we had one child after another, with me pouring all my energy into motherhood while he focused on climbing the corporate ladder. Perhaps it further unraveled with the stress of adopting our fourth child or when we re-adopted our birth daughter at eighteen due to her troubled relationship with her adoptive parents.
Regardless, stress replaced the affection we once shared. The passion in our marriage had not just vanished; it had been crushed and discarded. With my husband beside me, grasping a pillow instead of me, I felt profoundly alone.
Unexpected Healing During a Crisis
Surprisingly, our marriage began to heal in the midst of the pandemic’s chaos. As my husband transitioned to working from home, I realized there was nowhere to escape. Initially, I missed the sound of his car keys as he left for work. I begrudgingly included him in my daily life. When brewing coffee, I poured him a cup too. On my afternoon jogs, he accompanied me. During lunch, I offered him some of my meal. When happy hour rolled around, we clinked our glasses together. At night, we cuddled in bed binge-watching Breaking Bad. Gradually, these small yet meaningful moments began to matter.
Conversations flowed more freely. Our hands found each other. Arguments faded. Our friendship rekindled. Before long, we began to feel like a team again. Quarantine became an unexpected blessing.
I can’t predict what the future holds for us. I don’t know if our marriage will endure after the pandemic. All I understand is that relationships can be repaired even during the most turbulent times. Hope can emerge from dire situations.
For now, a divorce lawyer has yet to pay us a visit, and perhaps one never will. Only time will reveal our fate.
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In summary, my marriage faced major challenges before the pandemic, but through unexpected circumstances, we began to reconnect and mend our relationship. Though the future remains uncertain, there is hope for healing and growth.
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