In my experience as a parent, I’ve witnessed my son struggle with his hair since he was young. Before he entered his teenage years, he would attempt to style his curly locks into the Justin Bieber Side Swipe, which ended in disappointment and tears more often than not. His hair, coarse and unruly, along with those cowlicks at his hairline, made achieving what he called a “normal hairstyle” nearly impossible.
During elementary school, he often wore a baseball cap to avoid drawing attention to his hair. Later, he experimented with a handkerchief tied around his head, trying to keep his curls in check. All this was in an effort to manage the hair that seemed to dominate his thoughts and experiences.
By the age of eleven, he became anxious as he noticed strands falling out. After a week of tears over the sink, I reached out to his pediatrician, who reassured us that this was a typical part of growing up. Though it didn’t seem like he was losing hair, the texture and color were noticeably shifting, becoming coarser and darker, and growing upwards rather than downwards.
That year, at his request, I attempted to straighten his hair each morning. Unfortunately, the results were disappointing and left him disheartened every day. I invested in numerous hair products and sought out different salons, hoping to help him embrace his unique hair. More importantly, I wanted him to embrace himself.
Now a teenager, he has finally reached a place of self-acceptance regarding his hair. “This is my hair, and I’m proud of it,” he confidently asserts. Looking back on those challenging times when he was so eager to change a part of himself that I cherished, I am relieved we’ve arrived at this moment.
My son has been subjected to various hurtful comments about his hair: “It looks like pubic hair,” or “Your hair is so tall.” It astonishes me how people, often from older generations, feel entitled to comment on his appearance, as if their opinions are warranted. Just recently, he sported a stylish man bun, which I helped him create, and decided to share a picture on social media.
Unfortunately, he encountered a barrage of negativity from those hiding behind their screens, regressing into outdated attitudes. Even though he felt confident enough to rock the man bun, he ultimately removed the posts after reading comments like, “Buns are for girls,” and “Dude, cut your hair.”
If someone wishes to hear your opinion about their personal style, they will ask for it. It’s baffling why some individuals feel compelled to shame others for not fitting their narrow definitions of acceptability. Judging someone’s appearance, whether it’s their hair, clothing, or body, is never appropriate. We have no insight into their personal journeys or the struggles they’ve faced to express themselves, whether in a photo or at a social gathering.
Personal style is just that – personal. It isn’t up for public scrutiny or judgment. It’s unacceptable to suggest that someone shouldn’t wear nail polish because of their gender or that they should conform to traditional norms about hairstyles. Such comments only perpetuate feelings of inadequacy in those targeted.
While we strive to teach our children that others’ opinions shouldn’t dictate their self-worth, the reality is that hurtful words can sting. I’m grateful my son has developed self-confidence to disregard these comments, but it doesn’t diminish the fact that they affected him.
To those who feel the need to comment on another’s appearance: your unsolicited opinions about hair, clothing, and bodies are better left unsaid. Such remarks only reveal your ignorance and lack of understanding in today’s society.
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In conclusion, bodily autonomy includes individual hair choices, and no one should feel compelled to justify their appearance to others. Encouraging self-acceptance and respect for personal choices is crucial for fostering a supportive society.
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