When confronted with a threat, humans instinctively activate one of several trauma responses, often categorized as the four ‘F’s: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn. Initially, many may only recognize the first two—fight or flight—as the default reactions. However, the additional responses of freeze and fawn play crucial roles in our survival strategies during distressing situations. Reflecting on my personal experience during my partner’s abrupt battle with a severe illness, I realized how each of these responses manifested and provided a means of coping.
Fight
The fight response is straightforward: it involves confronting the danger head-on. Imagine a prehistoric figure brandishing a weapon against a predator. In my life, this manifested as a relentless pursuit of answers within the hospital. I would show up day after day, armed with determination and hope, demanding to see the oncologist without a scheduled appointment. Despite knowing I was being irrational, my instinct to fight for my partner’s health overshadowed any fear. This determination was my shield against despair.
Flight
The flight response represents the instinct to escape from danger. While it may seem like a retreat, fleeing can require immense strength and courage. For some, this means physically running away; for others, like myself, it can manifest in overcommitting to various tasks to distract from the looming threat of loss. I couldn’t run away physically, but I filled my schedule to create psychological distance from the fear of losing my partner.
Freeze
Freezing, or dissociating from the present threat, is a commonly overlooked survival tactic. When faced with overwhelming emotional pain, the only option may be to go numb. I vividly recall the moment my partner passed away; the grief was so profound that I felt unable to react. Instead, I froze, disconnected from the reality of the loss. This emotional shutdown lasted days, and while tears flowed, they felt detached from my own experience.
Fawn
The fawn response is perhaps the least recognized but equally important. Coined by therapist Peter Walker, fawning involves prioritizing the needs and desires of others to ensure safety and acceptance. This can look like people-pleasing or avoiding conflict altogether. In my case, I found myself forming bonds with medical staff, hoping to cultivate goodwill. Even at my partner’s funeral, I focused on comforting others instead of allowing myself to grieve. In an attempt to shield myself from pain, I surrendered my own needs.
Each of these trauma responses is a natural reaction orchestrated by our autonomic nervous system, occurring before we consciously process the situation. Understanding these responses can be enlightening, especially when navigating challenging experiences. If you find yourself trapped in any of these responses and it affects your quality of life, seeking support is crucial. Remember to extend compassion and grace to yourself regardless of your reaction.
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Summary
The four trauma responses—Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn—serve as mechanisms for coping with stress and danger. Each response has its own place in our survival toolkit, and understanding them can aid in personal growth and healing.
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